These People Are Crazy

TPAC is MOVING!!!!!

2009-07-07T00:46:00.003-05:00

After 8 years and 440 posts, I'm moving my site from blogger to wordpress. I'm tired of the clunky user-interface, outdated styles, and lack of cool features that blogger offers and so I'm throwing in the towel. This doesn't mean much to you, the reader. Simply adjust your bookmark or subscription to reflect my new blog address.

tyhuze.blogspot.com is now tyhuze.wordpress.com - simple as that. And yes, I checked...tpac.wordpress.com had already been taken by someone who decided actually writing in the blog would not be fun or useful. wasted :(

Happy blogging!

-Tyler

Billy Mays And A Strange String of Things I Noticed.

2009-06-30T23:42:00.005-05:00

Every now and then I check out Conan O'Brien on Hulu to see some celebrities that he interviews. I try not to get too worked up over movie/tv/music personalities, but it's a good time waster I suppose. I flipped it on tonight and things just got weird.

I was moussing over the show for Tuesday, June 23 and noticed that the main interview was Lisa Kudrow (Phoebe from Friends) and the second (and very much more important this week) interview was Billy Mays. In case you don't know, Billy Mays is the infomercial guy who is always yelling - probably his most notable product is Oxyclean. It turns out that he invents most of the items he sells which makes him slightly more interesting besides the fact that he passed away a few days ago in the same bizzare week of celebrity deaths (Ed McMahon, Ferrah Fawcett, and Gale Storm).

Just the facts:

1. Ed McMahon was most famous for being Johnny Carson's side-kick (announcer) on the Tonight Show.

2. On the day that Ed McMahon died, the Tonight Show did a nice little tribute video to Ed.

3. On the day that Ed McMahon died, the Tonight Show featured and interview with Billy Mays.

4. 5 Days later, Billy Mays dies at the age of 50 (same age as MJ by the way).

My mind is digesting all of these facts as I'm watching Conan awkwardly interview these infomercial guys all while making fun of their products (though in a playful way). Then my weird-o-meter starts going off.

This is Just Weird:

1. Billy Mays comes out and not only mentions Ed McMahon, but also shares that he worked at the same company that Ed started with (National Kitchen Products?) and its where he learned to sell stuff that peels potatoes. No joke - that's weird.

2. Billy says while showing off his grabber gadget, "I had a weak back about a week back." Clearly he's aware of his failing health. spooky!

3. Right when Billy goes to take a sip of his water(?) from his tonight show mug the camera quickly cuts away.. poison? might be!

4. Aparently there was some bad blood between Billy Mays and the pitchman for the ShamWOW, Vince Shlomi. I think Billy feels like his original product (the Zorbee) was copied by the maker of the ShamWOW. He referred to it as the ShamPOW as if to say he'd like to sock his competator. Not sure that's a good idea since Vince Shlomi has a profession MMA fighting career record of 1-0 after punching a hooker - I can't make this stuff up. The point is, Billy had enemies.

The Conclusion?

I'm going to let you decide on your own if there is foul play here. It's really nothing, honestly, but in order to let my life seem interesting I must keep a vivid imagination. And perhaps its in poor taste to make light of an obvious tragic situation (nobody should be dying at age 50), but I mean no disrespect to Billy or his family. Vince Shlomi on the other hand seems like a real jerk.

Oh, you can watch the Tonight Show interview here. (or simply view the video below)

4 People That Need To Join Twitter

2009-06-23T21:27:00.010-05:00

If the following people were to join Twitter, maybe my daily time wasting activities would be complete. Maybe.

1. TWH

This guy used to blog and I always enjoyed reading it. Then he got onto Facebook, and *poof* his well written blog material was replaced by the simple status updates. Not cool. But then it got me thinking... If what he prefers is telling the world what he did in the garden that night rather than writing a cool article with pictures, then perhaps he should just join Twitter and let the blog be a thing of the past.

Chances of it actually happening?

I'd say about 10%. Mostly because the Twitter website is boring and pointless. The real users access everything on their phone and I don't see my dad doing that any time soon.

2. Lucas

Another case of used-to-have-a-really-interesting blog. Now he hardly writes and doesn't really make up for the lack of content in any kind of social networking. Lucas actually was the first person to get me started in social networking when he created my first MySpace page. He'd be a good candidate for Twitter because he always has witty comeback to crazy people that seem to swarm him like Pigpen.

Chances of it actually happening?

I think about 75%. I'm honestly unsure how it hasn't happened yet since Lucas is my most trendy friend (which made his reluctance to join Facebook a little surprising). I think the real reason he hasn't caught on is because he really liked the way you could customize MySpace and his blog. Customizing anything about your twitter page is a waste of time.

3. Bruce Willis

Mostly because he is practically my idol. He's sooooo cool. One time he was trapped in an office building with some terrorists AND his ex-wife. Then he threw Professor Snape off the roof. He is cool. Actually there are MANY Bruce Willis's'ees on Twitter. I highly doubt any are the real deal.

Chances of it actually happening?

Zero Percent. If you saw Die Hard 4 you know that ol' Brucey doesn't even know what LoJack is and he had to have the Apple Computer Nerd explain to him what a Fire Sale was. Sheesh what a dinosaur (but a freaking cool dinosaur that can kill you easily).

4. Ben Merold

I just want to see if his Tweets would come out with ear splitting whistles everytime you read over a word containing an 's.' That plus he always had the funniest comments about stuff when he wasn't being an official pastor. In all seriousness, Ben was always a joy to be around and whenever he talked you felt like he was saying something very profound. Daily thoughts from this dude would be a blessing.

Chances of it actually happening?

Also 0%. When I left Missouri Mega Church he still wasn't using email. So he's not really into technology as far as I know.

Exerpts From the Lutheran Handbook

2009-06-15T14:52:00.003-05:00

How To Sing A Praise Song

1. Follow the instructions of the song leader.

Someone in the praise band will invite the congregation to stand up, sit down, repeat certain sections, or divide into men's and women's vocal parts. Pay attention to this person to avoid getting off track.

2. Learn the melody and song structure.

Pay special attention to the melody line sung by the band's lead vocalist. Praise and Worship songs can be tricky because they are rarely printed with notated sheet music and are sung differently from place to place.

3. Sing along with gusto.

Once the melody has been introduced, join in the singing. When you're comfortable with the song, experiment with harmony parts.

4. Avoid "zoning out."

Singing lyrics that are projected on giant screens can result in a glazed over facial expression. Avoid this by surveying the worship area, noticing paraments and other liturgical symbols, and making eye contact with other people.

5. Identify lyrical themes.

Determine if the song is being used as a confession, a prayer, a hymn of praise, or serves another purpose.

6. Watch out for raised hands.

Some Lutherans emote while singing contemporary Christian songs and may suddenly raise their hands in praise to God. Be sure to give these worshippers plenty of room to avoid losing your eyeglasses.

BE AWARE:

Lutheran worship is highly participatory. The praise band is there to help you and the congregation to sing and participate in worship, not to perform a concert.
There are no strict prohibitions in the Lutheran tradition against physical expression during worship.
In some congregations, praise gestures will draw amused stares.

An Inspiring Woman

2009-05-26T12:43:00.003-05:00

I saw this video today and thought it was awesome. I don't watch a lot of television, so maybe this is old content (and I've found it is since I started writing this), but if you haven't seen it, I think you'll enjoy.

Susan Boyle

I like this video mostly because this woman seems more like an average Jane and not the hyped up pretty boys (and girls) that are the final stars of shows like American Idol. But the real reason I like this video is how it highlights one of my beliefs about talent/skill/ability. People always have arguments about who was the greatest of something of all time...greatest guitar player, or drummer, or builder, or painter. The reality is that though many of those people who are the subject of such arguments are no doubtedly amazing there is much more undiscovered talent out there than discovered. The greatest painter of all time is probably some dude who's artwork never left the basement. The greatest guitar player of all time might be somebody who will never see his name in lights. Know what I mean?

Anyway, very cool to see this today as I'm prepping for my own band practice with amazingly talented individuals. None of us are a Susan Boyle, but we love what we do and we are thankful for our small opportunities.

5 ARCADE Games That Got Me Hooked

2009-05-21T23:14:00.005-05:00

...but first let me say that although I have many fond, early memories concerning video games (which is another post altogether), I can't really remember which got it all started for me. Was it the arcade? The NES? The Atari? One thing for sure is that I will never forget how much more awe-inspiring arcade games were compared to the old console games. So the following is a tribute to the games into which I jammed the most quarters. Sorry for back to back video game posts, but that's the way I have them listed on my page of blogging ideas.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Arcade Game (1989)

This action-packed side scroller was a dream come true for a young boy who was really into his Saturday morning cartoons. It was a chance to actually control your favorite turtle (Leo for me), fight the Foot and recognizable villains, AND do it w/ your two brothers and Dad... We always made dad be Donatello b/c he wasn't our favorite. Years later I find out via the xbox 360 that Donatello is actually the best character to use b/c of the extended reach of his boa-staff.

Best moment in the game: TMNT was a pure button masher and outrageously cheap in favor of the computer AI. When it wanted you to take damage..you took it. No amount of skill could help you avoid things like the Bebop charge. But frequently when you'd be mashing furiously at a common foot ninja your character would use his weapon to flip the enemy over his head. This random maneuver (though random) was so unbelievably rewarding that they included it as a core ability in follow up TMNT games for the NES.

Fun Fact: In Europe the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were actually called the Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles. It had something to do with the word ninja sounding too violent. What a bunch of sissies.

Captain America and the Avengers (1991)

This game was very similar to the TMNT game in that it was a side scrolling masher with more than a few cheap mechanics to ensure that you couldn't beat it on one or two quarters. But it had a few important elements. First of all, the characters moved a lot faster giving you real strategical reasons to change positions on the screen. Second, each character could make use of melee AND ranged combat. This was probably the most rewarding aspect of the game. Most of all, however, is that you could actually get better at this game the more you played it. Knowing the character you picked (Iron Man for me) and the way he performed was your ticket to losing less money to this machine.

Best moment in the game: The part I loved most about this game was the voice acting. It pales in comparison to what we have now with celebrities and actors voicing the characters, but back then it was so FRIGGIN AWESOME to hear Captain America yell "The Avengers assemble!" and "I can't move!!!!" (when you died). Even the sinister laugh of Red Skull was mesmerising.

Fun Fact: Data East, the company that published The Avengers made many you-never-played-them games but did manage to create the arcade prototype to a wildly popular computer game called Lemmings.

X-MEN (the arcade game) (1992)

Ok ok...another side scroller. Lame right? Well you'll see what happens here with number 4. This game was developed by the same company that made the TMNT game, so there were many similarities, but also several improvements. They took out some of the super cheap AI which never seemed like a fair way to balance difficulty and just jam packed the game with hundreds of enemies. It made that game absolutely stunning. It would get so crowded with all those bad robots and yet when you knocked them to pieces you didn't even care that the reckless pace just demanded more quarters. It had improved graphics, better response, and that awesome multi player option. I always chose Nightcrawler.

Best moment in the game: For some reason the X-men in this game didn't really use their mutant abilities but a few times and it cost them dearly. However, unleashing your super move was always breath taking. My favorite was Nightcrawler's - he would zip all over the screen leaving a rainbow assortment of Nightcrawlers in his wake and anything that was in his path would be demolished. Visual candy.

Mortal Kombat (1992)

Warning: Video Contains Graphic Content

I can still remember the first time I caught sight of this game. I had never seen ANYTHING like it before and I just couldn't seem to take my eyes away from the screen. I must have stood there in the arcade for at least an hour and I wasn't even PLAYING the game. It was, by far, one of the coolest things I'd ever seen. These photo realistic characters were fighting each other and everything was so intense. From the creepy and tortured voice overs to the camera shakes to the brutal blood, gore, and fatalities. I had no idea that a game could be this insane. It literally changed the way I played video games for nearly a decade. Also, consider this. Up to this point, video games had been kind of a kid thing for me and my family. I'm sure that my parents figured we'd grow out of it. Also, up to this point the best part of playing my cherished side scrollers was playing with my brothers and dad. But when fighting games came out, they were more adult, and very much focused on the individual and his/her (but who are we kidding with 'her') own ability to master the controls vs. the calculated computer AI. Video games went from being a kid thing to a nerd thing...and I was perfectly okay with that.

Best moment in the game: There are so many that I can't really even pick just one, but here are a few. First thing I remember about the game is Raiden flying straight at his opponent, arms outstretched, screaming incoherent Japanese and slamming him against the back wall. The combination of the yelling and intense fighting was simply breathtaking. Second, Scorpion throwing a harpoon in his opponents chest which produced a rich amount of crimson blood and pulling him into melee range while screaming "Get over here!!" It's probably one of the most recognizable video game phrases of all time. Third, the fatalities. Gruesome, difficult to pull off, and ultimately the greatest way to show prowess over your opponent - computer or friend controlled.

Killer Instinct (1994)

When you are a kid you don't really experience video games the way the developers actually design them. Mostly because you can't really grasp the idea of depth in a game (or in anything for that matter). By the time Killer Instinct came out there were a zillion fighting games available in arcades and on home consoles so there was lots to choose from. Really good fighting games are, on the surface, playable by anyone but contain real depth so that a little time and understanding of the mechanics ensure that a pro would never be destroyed by a kid smashing all the buttons in a blind rage. So things like distance, strong and weak attacks, juggling, throws, and melee vs. projectile become important in finding a way to dismantle your foe. But the most important of these is the combo system. All great fighting games have some kind of combo system to help players string together moves that allow for more than just a back and forth interchange of fireballs to the face. A player who can master the combos would never be beat by his 5 year old brother. Killer Instinct took the idea of performing combos and placed it front and center in its game mechanics and gave the "special moves" that defined many early fighting games a back seat. They literally FORCED you to learn complex button and movement combinations and rewarded you for learning to go deeper and deeper with each character. It was like a light bulb clicked on for me. I went back later and found out that this wasn't a new concept...combos were always there in other games, but they were more like the best kept secret for the gaming pros. Killer Instinct let the cat out of the bag.

Best moment in the game: When you pulled off a combo, big or small, this announcer would shout out "Killer Combo" or "Super Combo!" or if you stopped somebody's combo, "COMBO BREAKER!" Each name 'killer, super, mega' that came before 'combo' was directly related to how many attacks you'd strung together. The best was if you could unleash more than like 20 attacks he would shout "ULTRAAAAA COMBOOOOO!" I was like he was shouting Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday all together.

Killer Instinct was the last game I devoted much time and money to in the arcades. Soon after, the N64, and Playstation were releasing such good games that it became pointless to waste the quarters. It used to be that all the newest games and best graphics came straight from the arcade, but these days the arcades can't hold a candle to the home experience. So they have evolved from what they once were. The hub of everything new and exciting for video games is more of a novelty now. A place where you can pick up big plastic reciprocating guns or stomp down on dance pads, or sit in a race car seat, or exchange thousands of tickets for a mug or plastic spider ring. I remember when going to the mall with mom was totally worth it if we could just have 20 min of arcade time. I'll always have fond memories of those places no matter how nerdy that makes me.

6 Awesome NES Games That Never Get On Lists

2009-05-11T20:47:00.008-05:00

The following is a few NES games that were really pretty good, but weren't really good enough to get on any website or magazine's "top 10 list," or "best games of all time." Well maybe a few have, but they aren't the typical amazing game you get all sentimental about (like Mario 3 or Techmo Bowl). If you had these games, then you probably dumped many hours into them, and if you never played them you should know you really missed out.

Ice Hockey

What made this game awesome: You gotta love the customization of the generic teams here. Skinny = fast and weak shot, Fat = slow and hard shot, and Medium = well, medium. But what was cool is that you could mix and match however you liked based on what your opponent was choosing. But lets be honest, you were 6 and you just picked guys however you liked em. This game was great for competing w/ a friend and quick thumbs could really pay off in the end.

Why it's not on any lists: well it pretty much ignores the real rules of Hockey such as the official number of players each team should have on the ice. So it's not really a sim. So that would make it arcade style right? Not really. The fighting was sort of just this weird rumble inside of a cloud and one team would lose a player. There were no trick shots or power ups or any other goodies you find in those kind of games. Probably the most frustrating thing is that scoring seems random. The goalie just sort of lets them go every now and then.

Final thought: this is probably the first sports game I can ever remember playing and although it lacks a certain polish, it sure was a heck of a lot more fun that I find most sports games today.

Rush n' Attack

What made this game awesome: You are a single guy going up against the enemy with nothing but a KNIFE! So cool! But this one one of those games that was all about timing. If you were quick and had good timing it was super rewarding to blow through the missions. Also the music is very catchy.

Why it's not on any lists: The game isn't terribly deep. You just run and stab stuff and occasionally get a bazooka. Some of it also doesn't make a lot of sense. It suffers from touch-kill similar to Mario where if the enemy comes into contact with you in any sort of way (besides your knife) you die. Kind of dumb, but so is the enemy who simply runs headlong at you not using any of the weapons they have slung over their shoulders. And apparently if you wear orange, you must jump-kick.

Final thought: When I was a kid, I thought this game was called Russian Attack - kind of makes it more awesome doesn't it?

Super Dodge Ball

What made this game awesome: The free for all dodge ball mode set in the backyard of a school was pure gold. There were no sides, no boundaries and you could throw the ball at any ol chap you wanted. The ability to "run" and throw a super charged ball at a person depleting their life by a large margin never got old. ever. Each player had a unique power throw (two actually) and took damage differently as well. It was just fun!

Why it's not on any lists: The graphics for one thing, are a little off. The game has a problem that many old NES games had where the moving components on screen would flicker in and out of view. I didn't remember that when I was a kid but noticed it last time I played it (which was in Kyle Reed's dorm room a few years ago). Also the game is over pretty quickly. If it weren't for the multi-player mode you could be effectively "done" with the game in an hour.

Final thought: This was probably the game we rented the most often. We (for some strange reason) never actually owned it. We rented it as often as we could but that wasn't easy b/c it was frequently rented out being the only copy in the whole store.

Bases Loaded

What made this game so awesome: Most baseball games that originated in Japan featured players that were fat little men (RBI baseball) and the game play was usually silly or arcade style. Bases Loaded however featured players that looked like the real thing and I always enjoyed the unique perspective of the hitting/pitching (most games place the camera behind the batter). The best part was that each team had players with weird names like Paste or Carr. But that also made it kind of fun. If you picked the same team all the time, you started to expect certain things from those players.

Why it's not on any lists: People who really like baseball want to play a baseball game that features their favorite teams and real players' names and stats. So this game is out. Also, it doesn't have any of the cool team building play style that was a new concept at this time (remember Baseball Stars?)

Final thought: This is one of those games where I can still hum the little tune in my head after all these years.

Double Dribble

What made this game so awesome: The cut scenes in this game made you want to dunk the ball every single time. It was so cool to see the very game transform before your eyes for the close up. Also, I love how when you shoot a 3 pointer it basically sounds like a bomb is going off.

Why it's not on any lists: Just like Bases Loaded this game lacks any tie-in with professional or college level basketball. Also there's just some weird things about it. Like how all the players are the same size, dribble the same speed, run the same speed, and oh yeah....DON'T HAVE FACES! Also, you can run straight out of bounds. Can you even do that in current basketball games?

Final thought: When you think of all the lack of detail in this game it's amazing to notice that they thought of putting in the squeaking shoes sound.

Pro Wrestling

What made this game so awesome: Honestly, I'm not sure why, but I played the snot out of this game. My favorite was Star Man because he had that really cool somersault kick.

Why it's not on any lists: The game has some of the good parts of pro wrestling like clotheslines and suplexes but it's missing some of the stuff that makes pro wrestling what it really is. The drama. There is not throwing someone out of the ring to bash them w/ a chair and no smack talking and no personalized music no big personalities. Again, I'm not sure why but I played this game a ton.

Final Thought: My mother hated this game because one of Amazon's moves is to bite the opponent's head.

Well I hope you enjoyed my list. I'll probably do one for other systems but I wanted to keep it simple. What would you have put on there?

5 Driving Situations that Drive Me Crazy

2009-05-04T11:52:00.006-05:00

1. More than one lane; same speed.

The problem:

You are just trying to make your way through town, or maybe you are cruising the highway and there are two lanes and the two cars in front of you (each in a separate lane) are neck and neck going the same exact speed as if in a silly race to see who can cause more road rage. You then, are forced to go their speed. How inconsiderate! There are many speeds at which people travel within respect to the actual speed limit. How dare a few cars decide the pace at which all traffic behind them must travel.

What my roommate calls this:

Hands Across America - "you'd think that two people seeing a car jumping lanes behind them trying to get around might cause them to change lanes or speeds."

Why it drives me crazy:

The first and most important answer to all of these situations is that I am typically the best driver on the road at any given time. But beyond that, I typically drive a few miles over the speed limit and if traffic is sort of heavy, I like to go even faster. Coupled with the fact that 'on time' for me is what it is - showing up exactly when you should be there - I don't have a lot of time for this silly game of Block All Faster Traffic Behind You.

Solution:

Slower traffic to the right. I know. Groundbreaking. More importantly, look in your dang rear view mirror and if there's a Matrix practically touching your bumper, MOVE!

2. Missing the green light because something more important that travel is going on in the car in front of you.

The problem:

People get bored while sitting at stoplights. This is normal. Some people have a million things to play with WHILE at a stoplight. This is stupid. If traffic is light, no big deal but where I live turning left with a green arrow is usually only a few precious moments and the maximum of 6 cars are getting through no matter what. This means all 6 people must be on their toes or there is going to be some seriously angry left-turners.

What my roommate calls this:

Getting Stranded.

Why it drives me crazy:

Sometimes its very predictable. I notice the driver in front of me is talking on their phone/pushing the dog into the back seat/screaming at their kids or whatever, and it gets my blood boiling b/c I know I'm going to have to honk my horn to get them to notice it's our turn to go. Usually by then I'm happy to lay on that horn anyway. What's even worse is when you are the 5th or 6th car in that short turn lane and you see the green arrow and then nothing. Seconds that feel like minutes fly by before you see anyone actually moving. Then the light turns yellow and you never had a chance. You are forced to watch the cycle all over again and hope the person in front of you doesn't get a phone call.

Solution:

When that light turns green the first person should bolt like the car behind him is on fire. Also everyone should take off their break at the same time and maintain a very tight distance to the person in front. You can't go one at a time...this kills the flow. Also banish semi trucks from getting in turn lanes.

3. If you would've driven just a liiiiiiiiiittle faster we would've made it.

The problem:

Some people just don't drive like normal. It's like they cannot see beyond the current situation to analyze the string of stoplights ahead AND figure how fast they need to travel in order to catch them. They just hum drum along and are perfectly okay with stopping at every light. And these people are everywhere!

What my roommate calls these people:

Light-catchers.

Why it drives me crazy:

Mostly I like to stick to highways or routes that don't include a lot of unavoidable stopping, but its getting more and more difficult as stoplights continue to grow in population. I'm OK w/ stopping at them when there's nothing I can do to determine the outcome, but there are times where clearly you can get through if you just give it a little more gas. But not always being in front (see situation #1) means that I have to rely on terrible drivers to understand it all. When they don't its infuriating.

Solution:

Pay attention to the lights BEFORE you get to them. You'd be surprised at how easy it is to predict whether or not you are going to make it. If you are the first in a string of cars and there's no way around you, you have a responsibility to be the second best driver on the road.

4. Having to stop because yellow = red to some people.

The problem:

The light turns yellow, and the people in front of you SLAM on their breaks when they had plenty of time to get through the light.

What my roommate calls this:

Getting stomped.

Why it drives me crazy:

Most people are okay with going through a yellow light. Most of those people are also okay with getting into the intersection when it changes red, because they are perfectly aware of the delay b/w red and green lights. There are a few seconds where everything is red - if this wasn't the case there would be far more accidents. But it drives me bonkers when people do not drive accordingly - when they freak the second the light turns yellow when 3 more people could easily have fit through. In heavy traffic, this is the pits.

Solution:

Only stop when you are in fear of getting in an accident. Or if the light is photo enforced. Otherwise, please plow through because I am about 5 feet behind you.

5. Trying to drive perfectly because there is a cop.

The problem:

People speed all the time. You can fly by a cop who is purposely using a radar to catch speeders and he won't pull you over unless you are excessive in your speeding. But when the cop is actually driving somewhere everyone turns on best behavior mode and refuses to drive anything but the speed limit slowing all traffic down.

What my roommate calls this:

"They must have a bunch of cocaine in their trunk"

Why it drives me crazy:

I know this will come as a surprise, but when squad cars have to travel from point A to point B they have to DRIVE!! They are not on the lookout because they have to do all sorts of other things like pay attention to the road. Try it yourself. Get out on the super fast highway and instead of watching the road, watch everyone else to see if there is any illegal activity going on. Actually don't do that because you are likely to end up rear ending someone. This doesn't mean you can drive like a reckless fool in front of an officer of the law, but you don't have to pretend to be perfect.

Solution:

Drive as normal. Chances are the cops aren't even paying attention to you. Speed up. It only takes one brave soul and when everyone else sees that the cop isn't responding to 5 miles over the speed limit we can all get about our lives about 5 mph faster.

Amazon Knows How These Things Work

2009-04-29T23:19:00.006-05:00

So I finally finished this book:

and it's really got me excited about starting a real workout program for the first time in my life. This past Monday I went to the gym and was carrying around a clip board and pen to make notes of my workout (yeah I was that guy). But this post isn't really about that.

In the book, the author recommends a meal

-replacement suppliment (for high supply of calcium and protien) and his favorite is this:

So today, I looked for it on the internet. Fortunately, Amazon sells just about everything, and I found some there. I wasn't ready to put it in my shopping cart, so I scrolled down and saw the types of things that people who bought Meso-Tech also buy:

So here's the conclusion. If you are semi-serious about lifting weights, you probably also like killing aliens and/or psychotic mutants living in a failed underwater utopias. The irony, of course, is that you'd expect the items bought along with workout books and protien suppliments to NOT be the type of thing to plant you in front of your TV for hours on end.

Exerpts From the Lutheran Handbook

2009-04-15T15:17:00.004-05:00

How To Stay Alert In Church

1. Get adequate sleep.

Late Saturday nights are Sunday morning's worst enemy. Resolve to turn in earlier. A good night's sleep on Friday night is equally important to waking rested on Sunday, as sleep debt builds up over time.

2. Drink plenty of water, though not too much.

It is easier to remain alert when you are well hydrated. Consider keeping a small bottle of water with you during worship. One quick bathroom break is considered permissible. Two or more are bad form.

3. Eat a high-protein breakfast.

Foods high in carbohydrates force your body to metabolize them into sugars, which can make you drowsy. If your diet allows, eat foods high in protein instead, such as scrambled eggs with bacon.

4. Arrive early and find the coffee pot.

If you don't drink coffee, consider a caffeinated soda.

5. Focus on your posture.

Sit up straight with your feet planted firmly on the floor. Avoid slouching, as this encourages sleepiness. Good posture will promote an alert bearing and assist in paying attention, so you'll get more out of worship.

6. If you have difficulty focusing on the service, divert your attention. Occupy your mind, not your hands.

Look around the worship space for visual stimuli. Keep your mind active in this way while continuing to listen.

7. Stay alert by flexing muscle groups in a pattern.

Clench toes and feet; flex calf muscles, thighs, glutei, abdomen, hands, arms, chest, and shoulders. Repeat. Avoid shaking, rocking, or other movements that attract undue attention.*

8. If all else fails, consider pinching yourself.

Dig your nails into the fleshy part of your arm or leg, pinch yourself, bite down on your tongue with moderate pressue. Try not to cry out.

*consider that you may be providing visual stimuli (see #6) for another patron in which case it is okay to continue.

5 Things That Taste Way Better Out of a Can

2009-04-06T16:55:00.004-05:00

1. Mountain Dew

I'm not getting into the glass bottle* argument. Mountain Dew is awesome. My friend lucas refers to it as the nectar of the gods. It tastes great, goes down w/o the bite of a cola, and will give you energy w/o being one of those crazy "energy" drinks. It's one of the only sodas you can drink flat and still be ok w/ it. If you drink it from the can, this is your experience. If you drink it from the plastic bottle, its just gross. Too syrupy. Too sugary. Too fizzy. About 1/2 way through the bottle you'll begin to second guess your decision to get it, and if you go the full way you definitely are going to be a little turned off to soda for at least a full day.

2. Applesauce

The cheaper the brand, the better. I don't know how to explain it, but out the can this stuff just blows my mind. If you get like a popular brand that's "chunky" and has "real apple" in it, get ready for disappointment. If i wanted all that realness then i'd just eat an apple (which I wouldn't do b/c of a mild allergy). This is sauce people....it's supposed to be runny and share very little resemblance to the fruit from whence it came.

3. Green Beans

I've never been the biggest fan of fresh vegetables, and probably the epitome of this preference comes by way of the green bean. There's not much else I can say besides, a microwave and a pinch of salt are all you need to enjoy this popular "green." Stay away from "French cut" though...bleh.

4. Chewing Tobacco

Ha! just kidding. I wouldn't know. But on a side note: remember that beef jerky in a can. awesome.

5. Tomato Soup

Most soup from a can just tastes a little off. Like the potatoes don't seem real, or the meat has no flavor, or something. Not tomato soup. It is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. I don't know if I've ever tried a different tomato soup (not in the can) probably because who would go through the trouble. What's the point. The canned tomato soup is perfect, no room for improvement. Ok, so technically I had to have at least tried non-canned tomato soup for this item to be on the list, but I quickly ran out of ideas. :\

First, It's Going To Rain...Then Rain Some More...Then Snow Really Fast!

2009-04-04T15:35:00.003-05:00

5 Reasons Being A Video Game Tester/Reviewer Would Suck

2009-04-03T01:31:00.003-05:00

1. What you do for work, others do for leisure.

So what does that leave you? I'm guessing that you end up a video game tester because you actually enjoy playing them, but when other people come from their jobs of filing papers or folding clothing or shelving product xyz, they pop on their Playstation 360 as a way to unwind. So when you come home, I guess to relax you should get to work stuffing envelopes or something.

2. You gotta play them all.

The good and the bad. The finished and unfinished. The kind that are so hard it makes you want to "write a letter to the makers of the game" and the kind that really really suck. Wanna play the new Hanna Montana game for 10 min? Sure! How about play it for 10 hours? Bleh! How bad is it? Journey over to any website that rates games and see how many get good ratings vs. how many get bad. You will hate your life.

3. Country wide economic slump.

Lets just say for example that our nation took a turn for the worst economically. When the jobs start getting thin you better hope that you do something that people feel they can't live without. Well chances are that video games won't be going anywhere soon, but I think people would not care one little bit about reviewers going away. And then what are you stuck with? A resume that says you played video games for 8 hrs a day and got paid for it. Impressive.

4. Video games are no longer just for nerds, but nobody will apply that to you.

You have a job like this, and you are a nerd for life. Hope you are ok w/ that.

5. Racing Games.

Yep one of the things that would make your job suck is having to play all those stupid racing games out there. They are sooooooo boring and here's why. There are two kinds of racing games...racing games with some kind of gimic (like you have to blow up the other cars by collecting weapons and shooting them down as you race) and the simulation type. The problem with the former is that taking the idea of having to gun down your opponent is cool until you can't seem to figure out why it has to happen within the confines of a race. You should be out in the jungle or abandoned warehouses or something...not in stupid cars on a track. The action of making it kind of like a shooter is cool, but then its ruined by the aspect of the race and hardcore race fans will complain about the lack of realism. So, enter the simulation style game. It is sooo touchy and precise that even the smallest mistake will send your car into the closest hay stack bank...which will also damage your car slightly, cost you a few seconds penalty, and probably make it so that you can't win anymore. The dumbest part is that no matter how realistic the thing gets, you are still controlling a car with a little controller in your hand. It will NEVER actually simulate a race, it will just be so dang hard and tedious that you feel like it must be close to real. Now imagine you felt the way I do about racing games (or any genre for that matter) and then you had to play that over and over hour after hour so you can write a small review that nobody will care about in about 5 days time.

HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!

2009-03-27T23:34:00.002-05:00

Fact: Twitter Is Something You Should Try

2009-03-26T10:17:00.003-05:00

Some of you have no doubt heard of and use Twitter. It is similar to the 'status' part of Facebook and in-fact, I imagine the new Facebook layout is a response to the growing popularity of Twitter. But enough about that.

I am fairly new to Twitter and I still don't really understand how it all works. For example: I'm unsure how people get the 'tinyurl' thing to work, and I also don't really get the whole @username way of referring to someone else who uses Twitter. Lastly, I don't have twitter hooked up to my phone so that I get endless text messages telling me what my distant friends are doing (I'm pretty much ok with that). But the REAL reason you might be interested in Twitter is this: CELEBRITIES. It seems like Twitter is gaining in momentum due to the fact that hollywood stars are getting on it and posting their everyday thoughts, activities, and favorite links. Seeing as how our pop culture loves to worship its celebrities, how can they resist.

I'm not really into celebrities. I enjoy the work they do in the entertainment I enjoy, but you won't find me reading the latest celeb-gossip magazine or watching TMZ (had to ask the secretary for the name). But on Twitter its different: you don't read articles and interviews by attention starved columnists and journalists, you read the random thoughts of the attention starved celebrities! I must admit, the most interesting Twit that I follow is none other than Rainn Wilson (he plays Dwight on The Office). @rainnwilson I suppose is how I should refer to him.

Anyway, if you use Twitter or want to check it out you can find me as: tyhuze I'm not a celebrity, but I might be your friend. It would be nice to have more people to follow :) ....well, maybe.

Hump-Day Haiku

2009-03-25T11:30:00.003-05:00

Numbers is finished

I feel sorry for Moses

Deuteronomy

5 Things I Would Immediately Sell if I Won Them In a Contest

2009-03-23T10:22:00.003-05:00

1. Front row tickets to see the Jonas Brothers.

2. A new car.

3. A vacation where you'd be hanging out with radio talk-show hosts.

4. Season tickets to just about anything.

5. A new dining room set.

Exerpts From The Lutheran Handbook

2009-03-12T14:49:00.005-05:00

How to survive for one hour in an un-air-conditioned church:*

Step 1: Plan ahead - get there early to scout out the sanctuary for seats near fans or open windows. Try to avoid sitting in the sun, and bring a bottle of water for everyone in your group.

Step 2: Maintain your distance from others - Humans put off about as much heat as a 75-watt light bulb. The front row will likely be empty and available.

Step 3: Remain still - Fidgeting will only make your heat index rise.

Step 4: Think cool thoughts (like what would have to happen for the Cubs to win the World Series)**.

Step 5: Dress for survival - wear only cool, breathable fabrics

Step 6: Avoid acolyte or choir robes when possible.

Step 7: Pray. Jesus survived on prayer in the desert for 40 days. Lifting and extending your arms in an open prayer position may help cool your body by dispersing excess heat. If you've been perspiring, though, avoid exposing others to your personal odor.

Be Aware:

Carry a personal fan - or use your bulletin as a subsitute

Worship services scheduled for one hour sometimes will run long. Plan ahead.

*This is legitimate. While digging through some old curriculum in our office basement I dug up a handful of these Lutheran handbooks. Much hilarity ensued. Check back for more!

**in parenthesis is mine.

The Radio Dilema

2009-03-05T10:25:00.004-06:00

When I'm driving to work in the morning I like to listen to the radio. It always seems more interesting when there is a talk show on. The problem is that I can never decide which one to stick with. Here are my options:

1. The Drex Morning Show on Kiss FM
Why I like it:
Drex is flat out entertaining. His over the top personality just makes you want to listen to him. Whether you agree with their bull**** liberal views or not you have to give them credit for taking on serious issues along with the silly stuff. They are rarely disrespectful to each other or the callers and that's cool.

Why I can't listen to it:
The music that normally plays on this station is horrid, so if they take a break to play a song, I turn. The last thing I want is to start my day off w/ some terrible song by Beyonce or w/e. Also the content of the show often reminds me of how depraved pop culture is and I can easily get distressed by the often overwhelming lack of moral value.

2. The Eric and Kathy Show on the Mix
Why I like it:
Eric and Kathy are upbeat, polite, and funny. Eric especially is very quick witted and is able to keep a topic or conversation flowing quickly. They actually are a perfect team and the topics they explore are almost always light-hearted and fun. Excellent content, excellent entertainers. So how could it go wrong?

Why I can't listen to it:
Eric and Kathy are usually pretty brief. The show is lengthy enough, but their talking segments are always over very quickly (at least during the times that I'm on). I WANT to listen to the talk show and when they cut to a song I always feel rushed. The music is hit or miss, but the real issue is that I enjoy the talking so the music seems like a let-down.

3. The Air-1 Morning Show
Why I like it:
I usually head over here after hearing a bit of especially despairing material from the Drex Show. The Air-1 station is about the only "family friendly" station that I can tolerate. They do more music than anything else, so if I'm in the mood for some morning uplifting tunes, I go here.

Why I can't listen to it:
The actual talk portion of the morning show is horrible. As I've come to expect from Christian radio DJs the hosts are annoyingly energetic or sympathetic about every.single.thing. They often report hilarious news stories via Sean Copeland (not a DJ) who only seems to report news and weather. Yesterday they had a great story about a woman in FLA who called 911 3 times because her local McDonald's didn't have chicken nuggets!! hahahaha!!! It was kind of thing that seems ruin-proof until the DJs decide to comment and my hand is reaching for the dial.

Got a favorite radio talk-show? Maybe you could point me to a winner.

These People Are Bad Drivers!

2009-03-02T12:31:00.004-06:00

I've been noticing more and more that I am the best driver on the road on any given day at any location. More specifically I notice that other people (behind the wheel) are really stupid and probably in my way. This all stands out to me especially when:

1. I am not listening to anything on the stereo.

2. I am focusing on the drive and destination.

3. I am not talking on the cell-phone.

4. I am late.

Are you the best driver ever? It's how I feel all the time.

UH, DID THAT JUST HAPPEN?!

2009-02-09T11:44:00.002-06:00

Quick story.

I was sitting at Applebees talking w/ people.

Someone sneezed behind me, and also *broke wind* at the same time (you know how that is). The latter much louder than the former.

I turned around quickly to see a grandmother scanning the room to see if anyone heard.

Her eyes met mine

I MADE A WEBSITE TODAY

2009-02-05T17:28:00.005-06:00

Click on the photo to see the full size version. WHAT DO YOU THINK? I wish i knew how to actually make that a functioning webpage :(

On the Super Bowl

2009-02-02T20:39:00.005-06:00

I actually watched a good majority of the game this year. Here are my random thoughts:

1. Everyone keeps saying how great a game it was - as if to say the entire game was fun and exciting. I think those people didn't see the first half...which was slow and boring. Second half was definitely a nail biter.

2. My hat is off to Kurt Warner. I love to see seasoned Qbacks able to keep up w/ the young guys. I felt sorry only for him when the Steelers won.

3. I chose to root for the Steelers. It's much less stressful if you don't really care who wins. I was happy the Steelers won, but if the Cardinals had...I would've been ok w/ that too. The reason I picked the Steelers: I think I just have a natural desire to see any team named 'Cardinals' lose.

4. The commercials were very entertaining. My top picks were the Doritos commercial and the Pepsi Max commercial. The former being my favorite. No matter how old I get I think the sight of some poor sap getting hit in the crotch will always make me laugh. I think Kevin Missel is the one who first stated that crotch shots never get old. When it happened last night, I was laughing very loudly and then looked around and realized I was the ONLY one laughing...maybe I was the only one paying attention.

5. Bruce Springsteen was really good. I was very pleased with his performance. How old is that guy now? Also, does Max Weinberg usually drum for him? Cool halftime show!

6. I think the Cardinals would've had a better shot at a win had they spent a little less time with their hands in the facemasks of the Steelers. Surely even the most brain dead of linebackers can understand that personal fouls that triple the amount of downs the opposing teams gets to be on offense will hurt your own offense in the end. The sheer number of personal fouls from both teams was painful to watch. Correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't it the player being praised at the end of the first half for his amazing (and historical) interception run-back also the one punching and pushing down and out-of-play Cardinal player in the second half? Pathetic.

7. World Famous Hotwings were a hit! I watched the game w/ the GF and her family. What a great time. Oh and the game in HD is mesmerizing.

8. I had to LISTEN to the final 30 seconds of the game b/c when the GF and I got back to her place the cable was out....ugh. So via a handheld radio her dad and I sat at the kitchen table sweating out the last few seconds. It seemed more stressful when I couldn't actually see what was going on.

9. Overall a lot of fun. Next year will be the Cu...er...Bears' year!

TOP 5 THINGS ABOUT WINTER

2009-01-29T15:55:00.003-06:00

1. Snow

2. Snow

3. Snow

4. Snow

5. Snow

runners up: Christmas, snowboarding, snuggling, warm fires, coats and hats, snow days

The Magic of JJs

2009-01-27T14:48:00.004-06:00

...no I don't mean JJs the family style restaurant in St. Charles, MO that looks like a barn from the outside and has the meanest double cheeseburgers and crinkle fries west of the Mississippi...

I mean Jimmy John's, the sandwich shop that has revolutionized the way I feel toward the sub shop industry as a whole. They make their subs so fast I freaked...just like their wall signs promised.

Today I walked into JJs and ordered my usual. A #2 w/ cheese. When the words "number two with cheese" exit my mouth I see the sandwich girl get to work cutting up a loaf of Delicious Italian bread. The guy says "would you like chips and a drink?" I grab a bag of chips and say, "uh yeah, chips but no drink." Then he takes my card and asks if I want a receipt and and I say no. Then I walk around the counter, open up a white paper bag, stuff the chips and a few napkins in it and look up. A second sandwich girl is already holding out a wrapped and taped sandwich and repeats..."a number two with cheese?"

In the bag. Out the door. No more than 2 min flat.

As I walk out, a few employees call after me, "thanks!"

What an amazing place to get a sandwich. Fast, friendly, and ridiculously good.

How Long Have You Been Doing This?

2009-01-20T14:10:00.003-06:00

This blog has been going since July 8, 2003.

...on cell phones

2009-01-16T09:50:00.003-06:00

I believe there is a notion of cell phone etiquette, but I rarely see people abiding by it or even being aware of it. It should be a new class taught in schools. The lessons could include:

1. You are not the only person in the store.

2. Your ringtone is really annoying.

3. Stop texting in class.

4. Putting your phone on vibrate.

5. Learning to not answer the phone if all you are going to do is pick it up, say "I can't talk now" and then hang up.

6. Leaving a message.

7. Programming your voicemail.

The newest thing that bugs the joy out of me is people who program their phone to play you a song instead of that incoming call tone. You know, you dial a number, put the phone up to your ear and hear that familiar pulse that has been unchanged since you can remember. Well some people have selected the option to MAKE you hear a song during that time rather than the normal pulsing tone.

The problem being that those people are forcing you to listen to music you may or may not like. They will NEVER hear it themselves unless they are calling their own cell phone which almost never happens. It's a scam [sure, i'll buy music that i'll never listen to] AND it is completely inconsiderate. The other day I called someone who had Kid Rock singing his recently popular and reaaaaally bad rendition of Sweet Home Alabama. I wanted to hang up instantly - forget what the call was about, it simply wasn't worth the abuse I was forced to take. The best part is that when I called her on it she said she had no idea that was the song it played. She had intended to have the original Sweet Home Alabama play. It didn't make me feel any better.

a temporary harsh attitude towards local law enforcement. aka - "stupid cops"

2009-01-06T01:30:00.004-06:00

If I get pulled over one more time by these good for nothing Naperville boys in blue I'm going to be sick. Since my last run-in, i've been very careful to drive the speed limit particularly around Naperville on my way home from Rachael's. I was shocked and highly annoyed when I saw the flashing lights about 20 min. ago lighting up my face as they bounced off my rear view mirror. I honestly had no clue why I was being pulled over.

The cop said that I "ran a red light" which I think is a bunch of bull unless he means that in attempting to catch the tail-end of a yellow light I didn't quite make it - to which I would say "WHO CARES?!?!" when it's 1:15am and there's barely two cars on the road [mine and his]. If it was a full-blown red light then yeah that's bad, and of course a ticket is better than a car crash and a warning is even better, but think about it: People who purposefully run red lights don't just plow through them at 50mph! They sneak up and when they are sure there will be no crash or chance for ticket they get through quickly. I certainly don't deserve to get off scott free, but there is a difference between making a mistake and defiance.

The trouble is that he was very nice about the whole ordeal which only made me want to put my car in reverse and smash as hard as I could into his cruiser so that he'd have an actual reason to give me a citation. I swear its just like going to the doctor and have him/her sweet talk you before sticking a 3 inch needle into your arm. "Yeah thanks for being nice, but you should know I hate you."

Anyway, I'm thoroughly annoyed and can't possibly sleep now after seeing tax dollars hard at work keeping the streets clear of hardened criminals.

Chocolate Grinch

2008-12-04T13:00:00.003-06:00

I have about a million blog ideas all centering around Xmas music and I hope to post frequently throughout December. So for about 20 days, all my posts will likely be focused on the topic of Christmas Music.

You probably know this song. I heard it last night on the radio and a strange connection hit me. Go ahead, watch the video and see if you make any connections. If you aren't a mildly avid web user you'll not get it...yet.

You don't have to listen to the whole thing to get that voice stuck in your head. It's very rememberable and it matches the content of the song well. I heard it last night and it got me thinking... is there some connection between the singer of the Grinch Song and Chocolate Rain? Have a listen:

The voices seem strangely familiar right? Well, upon further investigation I found that there seems to be very little connection between chocolate rain and You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch.

The Grinch song was originally sang by Thurl Arthur Ravenscroft who was a little more accomplished but maybe not as widely popular unless you count the fact that he was also the voice of TONY THE TIGER for a million years telling us that Frosted Flakes are Grrrrrrreat!

Tay Zonday, the singer and songwriter of Chocolate Rain is pretty much nobody except a kid w/ a strange voice, and a little extra time and money on his hands. Actually, he probably has a lot more money on his hands now that he had one of the most popular videos on YouTube in 2007. If you can stand more than 20 seconds into the video you'll see the caption "I move away from the mic when I breathe" which seems like a joke that someone put on after it was made, but it isn't. He was just courteous enough to let his viewers know what he was doing so the video wouldn't seem odd...that certainly helped...

So no, there is no connection between Thurl and Tay, but if they ever need a stand in for Tony the Tiger or a singer for You're A Mean One, Mr Grinch - then maybe Tay can pick up where Thurl left off.

BTW - did you know that Sixpence None the Richer (famous for the song Kiss Me) did their own version of the Grinch Song. Unfortunately, Leigh Nash's voice doesn't come out quite as sinister as ol' Thurl's and the song basically sucks.

Happy Thanksgiving

2008-11-25T13:57:00.003-06:00

I always feel like this holiday is sort of skipped over, and in many ways it really is, at least commercially. Most will celebrate the day and quickly move on to the zerg of shopping - the thanks will be a blink compared to the songs, decorating, feasts, gifts, celebrations, spending, and attention given to Xmas.

So please make sure that sometime over the next few days you put away the work, turn off the video games, switch off the stereo, mute the football game, park the vehicles, close the book, set down the toy, silence the cell-phone, fold up the map [to the mall], ignore the laundry, hang up the tools, get out of the kitchen, get into the house, unplug your headphones, minimize the [this] browser, set aside the dishes, and join with each other and the millions who will be pausing to give thanks for the blessings in our lives.

I've been tagged...

2008-11-20T14:52:00.003-06:00

Disclaimer: The only reason that I'm doing this is because Katrina tagged me and then said she believed I would think it was dumb (which is true). However, I've been wanting to update and this will allow me to do just that w/o much thought.

The rules are as follows:

1. Link to the person who tagged you. (already done)

2. Post the rules on your blog.

3. Write six random thoughts about yourself.

4. Tag six people at the end of your post.

5. Let each person know he or she has been tagged.

6. Let the tagger know when your entry is posted.

Random Thoughts:

1. I've noticed a growing trend in (crappy)photography. If you are on Facebook or some other kind of internet social utility then you are probably being exposed to 10 times the amount of personal photos than you used to be. If that's true, then you've probably (like me) also noticed that people are looking dumber and dumber in they way they pose for photographs. Why? Because on the consumer level, film is obsolete and digital photos are extremely cost effective. Take a bad photo? That's ok, take another...and another...and another...and don't even bother deleting any since it costs nothing to take or publish (online). Now here's what I'm REALLY confused about. The current popular pose especially for girls is where they partially pucker their lips when the photo is captured. They'll also look directly at the camera but turn their head at different angles giving a certain sultry appeal. The REALLY self esteem-less ones will also include a shot down the front of their shirt to seal the fate of the "do you have brains?" discussion. What ever happened to looking at the camera and smiling?! I'd like to think that the pucker-pose for girls is similar to the way a pop-collar = "total d-bag" for a guy. The problem is that I now see guys doing it too...wow that just g.. lame. It's no wonder there are so many internet stalkers out there when all these girls are "making love to the camera" as soon as they figure out how to make their own Myspace page.

2. I kind of forgot what I was doing here. Oh yeah...lame blog tagging.

3. I heard on Air-1 about a Xian band that was going to perform on the Jimmy Kimmel show and some un-named caller was concerned about these Christians performing on a show where the host drinks a pint of beer from his desk. I heard beer = sin, evil, condemnation. I think it has something to do w/ the yeast.

4. Black Friday = Christmas music. All those who are jumping the gun are commercialistic posers who don't appreciate the holiday [music] enough to bother Giving Thanks first.

5. The water cooler broke today. I'm thirsty, the tap smells like eggs, and the Mt. Dew is probably a week old.

6. Big shock! I'm not going to tag anyone! I am against forwarding, chaining, and playing any kind of "lets keep this going" game through emails, blogs, facebook applications, or w/e. I needed a blog update and that's exactly what I got. If, after reading all this, you feel compelled to pick up where I've left off, feel free. But for the record, I didn't tag you.

Why is that embarrassing?

2008-11-03T11:11:00.003-06:00

So the word embarrass basically means to feel awkward or ashamed. Certain things are embarrassing to certain people...it's not a constant thing. I've come to conclude that something is embarrassing if it does one of these two things: A) It makes you feel foolish. Another way to say it is that it makes you feel like a lesser person either intellectually, socially, or economically. B) It makes you feel vulnerable. It is showing something that you believe others should not see.

With those things in mind I've been thinking about things that embarrass people that really should not fall into either category. They are neither things that make you seem foolish or exposed...they are just silly and some downright funny. Let's have a look.

1. [for the ladies] You are in a public place and you drop your purse and your belongings come spilling out for the surrounding folks to see. Embarrassing? I think not! There is nothing foolish about the accident of dropping something you are carrying. It happens. Oh and the belongings in your purse?....WOW BIG SHOCK!!!!! You are carrying some makeup, a cell phone, some photos, your keys, an ipod, perhaps some feminine products, maybe even a camera! I never would've suspected those things! Ok, yes I would.

2. You are at the gym or maybe going for a run (or just for fun) and you are listening to an ipod and you are wearing headphones. Without warning you accidentally pull the chord of the headphones and they come flying out of you ears or off your head. What do you do? You quickly look around to see if anybody noticed what a terribly embarrassing thing just happened to you. Yeah, you'll never live down that incident which probably has only happened to a few unlucky souls in the history of headphones.

3. You are just sitting there and your stomach growls and other people hear it. OMG you are hungry? WTF man, please control your uncontrollable and natural body sounds. Sheesh! Your friends will talk about it for years probably. How foolish of you to be hungry - idiot!

4. You passed gas and it smelled not good. every.body.has.done.that. disclaimer: this one depends more on location, location, location.

5. You have a stain, spot, spill, etc. on your shirt. Being a klutz can certainly cause some awkward situations, but unwanted items will land on your clothes regardless of your level of klutziness - it's only a matter of time and nobody has a clean record. Got a grass stain on your jeans? So, all that tells me is that you were in the grass. Have a ketchup stain on your T-shirt? Ok cool, you had a burger for lunch which I'm rather jealous about thank you very much. Don't worry about it - you don't lose any points for not having a spotless wardrobe. The thing that troubles me more that folks getting embarrassed about these things is the irresistible urge for somebody to point out the fact that you have something on your shirt. SO WHAT?!?! DO I LOSE MY CHANCE AT THE FINAL PRIZE IF I HAVE A DROP OF COFFEE ON MY SHIRT?!?! Get a life.

In conclusion, embarrassment is a very subjective thing but if some folks would simply learn to laugh about the silly things that happen around them we all might be having a better time. Instead of worrying about your invisible reputation that is so fragile a simple bodily function can send it all crashing down, enjoy the little uncertainties any day can send your way. And above all, don't take yourself so seriously...nobody else takes you that seriously ;)

Please don't wash my feet...

2008-09-30T16:37:00.003-05:00

I don't normally write about matters of faith or church, but I've just been reminded of something that annoys me.

This past summer, during a youth mission trip, my group participated in a worship experience that for lack of a better term was [and is] just uncomfortable. We have this wonderful story in scripture about Jesus washing his followers' feet showing them a humbled master ready to serve rather than be served. It's a very powerful thing. Some people who believe that they want to WWJD their entire life take this story and try to help others experience it.

I knew it as soon as I walked into the worship space. All along the wall were shallow plastic basins and towels lining the east wall of the room. "Oh no...we're going to have a foot washing" is what I thought to myself. You can see this little activity coming a mile away. I sort of wanted to skip that night. I don't really want to wash someone else's feet. Ever.

The idea of the worship planner is this: Jesus' humbled himself to wash his followers' feet so we are going to humble ourselves to wash each others' feet. We'll show true love by washing feet. Really? That's how we are going to humble ourselves? What a silly idea.

When Jesus did that, he was indeed humbling himself - normally it was a servant's [slave's] job. Feet were probably a lot more gross back then than they are now, so the master [of the house or w/e] wouldn't dream of washing his guest's feet - he had slaves to do it. So it was a pretty big deal that Jesus did this - acting like a slave. Most people seem to understand that. No problem. Where they seem to fail is in the fact that NOBODY washes ANYBODY's feet these days. It simply does not happen. There are no slaves, and there is no reason to wash someone's feet when they come to your house. So how in the world are we humbling ourselves by washing someone's feet. We aren't.

All we are really doing is creating an uncomfortable moment that might feel a little like humbling yourself - but it's not. If I'm washing your feet, I'm not serving you...it's just creepy. It's not loving, it's not service - maybe it once was, but it's not now. How exactly are you following Jesus' real example of service by doing something that isn't even service. That's just mimicking gestures, not following by example.

"Wow, I would've really liked to be like Jesus and serve you in some sort of way, but instead I guess I'll just put some water on your already clean feet and then dry them. Ok?"

"Hmm thank you for washing my feet. Now I'm positive that you are a true servant - willing to do anything for me!"

Let's try to be a little more creative ok? Quit with all this feet washing nonsense. Just because you've made me feel uncomfortable [creepy] doesn't mean you've taught me a thing about humility. The act of feet washing is culturally irrelevant. The act of serving others certainly isn't.

A Brush With the Law

2008-09-22T14:25:00.005-05:00

In the photo you'll notice that what I got from the police department was actually just a written warning - not an actual ticket that costs money. This is the first time that I have ever been given a written warning [i've had a few tickets]...I used to be one of those people that would get frustrated by stories where some girl would get pulled over, cry her eyes out and make up some excuse about her car making funny noises, and get no punishment because of some trick of manipulation. But now I'm happy to join the ranks of cost free police encounters.

How do you think I managed to escape the $75 fine? Which story seems true?

Story 1: When I got pulled over I had just left the Krispy Kreme donut store w/ a box of warm, sugary goodness and was in such a hurry to get home that the policeman couldn't resist. Upon inspecting my license and registration this policeman promptly asked me to hand over the box to examine it as well. I handed the box to him and he set it up on top of my car and said he needed to run my info. He came back to my car, handed me a written warning, told me to slow down and then politely walked away w/ my donuts.

Story 2: The police woman who pulled me over probably wasn't expecting to see such a good looking man behind the wheel at 2:10 am. When she asked for my license I said, "Sure, anything for you baby..." She giggled, we talked, and I left that place with a written warning and a phone number - which I didn't call. She was a sucker for my charm!

Story 3: When I first rolled down my window I refused to turn down my stereo and pretended like I couldn't hear the policeman. I then proceeded to shout at the top of my lungs to give the impression that I was partially deaf and doing everything I could to hear what was going on. I kept repeating things to him that he'd ask for..."WHAT?! YOU NEED TO FLEE FROM THE REFRIDGERATION AND THEN CALV MY SLICE-FENCE?!?!?" To make matters worse, I used a high squeaky voice know by my close friends as the 'Evan' voice. In the end my plan worked...I annoyed my victim into submission and he quickly jotted a written warning just to get rid of me.

Story 4: The policeman asked if the information on my license was correct and I told him it wasn't and that I had just moved to Naperville. Turns out he lived just down the street from me, and we got to talking about life and SOMEHOW we got talking about videogames and instead of giving me a ticket we ended up at my apartment playing Wii and Ninja Gaiden 2.

Story 5: I was polite and respectful and answered the officer's questions as honestly as I could. I had a slightly out of date license but my insurance was current and I had not any moving violations in the last year. Between my speeding, license, and my plate jammed illegally in the back window the officer had a chance to fulfill his duty as a cop [by warning me] all while avoiding to do a tiresome ticket where both parties don't feel good in the end. He wasn't trying to bust a drug dealer and I was only looking to shave a few minutes off my driving time - a simple "please slow down" was all that was needed.

Hint: one of those is true, and two of them are actually based off of real stories that have happend to family/friends of mine.

Something I Want To Show You 2

2008-09-02T18:08:00.002-05:00

It took me a few days to get Youtube to cooperate, but here is episode 2 in all it's glory.

Something I Want To Show You 1

2008-08-14T17:56:00.002-05:00

-You'll also notice that I added a video side bar where you can check out some of my other videos. These new blog entries should show up there as I make them. Thanks for reading/watching. :)

Joy Ride

2008-08-13T14:40:00.005-05:00

When your friend formerly known as 'Roommate' says something like "don't worry all I've got left to move is one final load," beware. He may have actually forgotten that in order to fit the entire final load you'll have to sacrifice your seat and smash yourself in the front windshield of his MATRIX. Riding in a car in this position will do several things for you:

1. Your left leg and arm will fall asleep after the first 5 min.

2. Your neck will hurt while trying to look out the front window but time will stand still if you stare down at the gear box.

3. You will bump your head against the rearview mirror 10 times.

4. Each oncoming car will seem 1000% more life threatening.

5. You will easily remember all the cuss words you learned as a kid.

Water Park Comments

2008-08-04T17:39:00.003-05:00

I went to the new water park in Yorkville. Here are my TPAC comments. I took the youth group and this list is random - based off my observations.

1. Life is often like the weather. Sometimes it rains on water park day.

2. Water is STILL notoriously good at finding its way into your nose, mouth, ears, etc. against your will.

3. No matter how boring your job is, remember you could be an employee at a water park. They stand barefoot on concrete carefully scanning the water to make sure nobody is drowning in the 2ft pools of water. Oh and waiting for the precise moment to tell a group of 4 to get on their raft. Riveting.

4. If you find yourself swimming in the lazy river, please get out of the lazy river. The rest of the park is designed for you.

5. You must either clear your mind before using the public restroom or wear shoes. The only thing that compounds the gross factor of a public restroom is the feeling of going in them barefoot. Since the ground is very wet your imagination runs wild.

6. You should keep your eyes open in the lazy river. I was laying on a raft and had my eyes closed when I randomly decided to open them. I was about 2 ft from ramming head first into a woman's huge wrinkly butt.

7. If you need to use the restroom and the thought pops into your mind...eh i'll just go in the pool. Consider that the other 500 people have thought the same thing.

8. If I bump into you on the lazy river after not making any attempt to move out of the way first don't worry, it's nothing personal. I'm just being lazy.

9. If you find yourself capable of lodging complaints about any part of your life while relaxing on the lazy river you should go see a psychiatrist. Also true if you accidentally ram head first into a woman's huge wrinkly butt.

10. Put on sunscreen. Points of interest are your face, shoulders, chest, and feet.

11. Wearing a tshirt over your bathing suit doesn't make you look less fat. It only proves that you own big tshirts.

12. After you are done at the water park you are more than welcome to take a huge nap. Chances are you need one.

These People are Crazy, or Losing Faith in People

2008-07-29T18:33:00.005-05:00

I spent last week on a mission trip with Group Workcamps Foundation. Our small youth group met up with about 6 others at North Central Christian School in Florissant, MO [near STL]. The former Catholic high school served as a great hub for the different ways our crews served the area in community service jobs. My particular Crew [Crew 1 - later named "Better-than-your-stupid-crew Crew] spent two days at the school doing some renovating and landscaping while the other two days we served at a food bank.

This particular food bank got load of donations of food. From what I could tell it was all food that came straight from grocery stores' storage of outdated and damaged food supplies that I'm sure they can write off for a tax break or something. It was hundreds upon hundreds of banana boxes filled with just about anything you could image. A box might contain either a mix of food products or a mass quantity of the same item. Mostly it was cereal, pop-tarts, condiments, salad dressings, sports drinks, mac-n-cheese, and bent up canned goods of all shapes and sizes. The goal was to remove the contents of the boxes and repack them with a variety of things. Each box would then be shipped to a food pantry to be distributed to families.

The food bank had several groups from different places volunteering, and on the second day there were three distinct. The first was us - Group Workcamps and we were probably about 20. The next was a group of adults from a church or something - about 10. The final was a group of one adult and about 4 youths - probably high schoolers. The best I can guess is that this third and final group was an adult sponsoring some teens doing public service for some kind of trouble they'd been in.

We had been working for a few hours and lunch had passed when a girl came out of the volunteer break area claiming that her purse had been gone through and her money, phone, and ipod were stolen. Someone had taken her purse into the men's room and dumped everything out taking only the valuables. This person probably wasn't interested in Hello Kitty lip gloss.

Almost immediately group 3 was gone. Their sponsor without much worry about stereotyping grabbed his students out of the work room and began questioning the boys about the stolen items. Although none of them confessed to doing it [nor did any of them have those items on them] they were able to make a suggestion as to the possible location of said items that proved to be 100% correct. Whoever took the items dumped them in the trash so they could later be retrieved when people were leaving. Group 3 left immediately after the items were found - that took a matter of 20 min.

I was starting to feel a little bummed. I didn't want to judge. I don't need to know everyone's dirt. I just wanted to work hard and get the job done...after all, we were all there doing a task that will benefit those in need. I actually was having a fun time watching all the students and adults work together - backgrounds irrelevant - to do good. News of the theft took the wind out of my sails a little, but at least it wasn't any of our kids.

I was pondering these things in the break room over a cup of water. When I came back out, I noticed that a small group of our students decided that instead of packing up one of the bags of candy that passed by them they'd just eat it. My heart sank. Soon I noticed that they were also taking the prizes out of already opened cereal and snack boxes for their own. I expressed my disappointment in them and got back to work.

It sucks that even when doing a good thing, people will fail to be good people. I suppose that's why the Good News is so good, but that doesn't make me feel better about that day at the food bank.

The irony of it all was that night during the evening program's "God Sightings" - times where people describe where they saw God working that day - the ipod/phone theft victim told all the youth groups her God sighting was when she got her stuff back. God helped her get her stuff back all while turning his attention away from her stealing from another. Isn't that just great?!

iPhone 2.0

2008-07-14T20:58:00.003-05:00

I'm sorry to make such a big deal about electronic gadgetry, but I think this stuff is cool. I guess I'm kind of like that kid that gets really excited about a new toy he or she has and has no problem telling you everything he knows about it. You smile, nod, say 'uh-huh' and on the inside you just want to explode. My nephew does this...he'll tell you all about Transformers whether you want to hear it or not. So here I go.

About a year ago I bought an iPhone. It was a mistake. It wasn't a mistake because it is a poor product or because I didn't have the finances to make such a purchase, it was a mistake because I committed a mortal gadget sin that tempts every one of us nerds who thinks the latest and greatest will cause great happiness. I purchased something the day it came out - I paid too much. A short time later [we're talking weeks] Apple dropped the price of their phone and all of us who stood in line that memorable Friday could be heard around the world exhaling a collective sigh. We had all fallen for it once again.

That's not to say that it hasn't been worth the money I spent. In fact, after last week the iPhone just got an upgrade that launches it back into the "my phone is way cooler than yours" category without actually purchasing a new phone. The iPhone 2.0 upgrade was release and it's like owning a new phone all over again....and thus far - it's all free [after purchase, tax, calling fees, texting fees, accessories, etc.].

There are all kinds of new features - and if you go get a new iPhone [called the 3G] you get all the existing cool stuff plus a bigger hard drive, built in GPS, faster internet, AND it costs 1/2 of what I paid for mine. Commercial over...sort of.

The part that effects me the most is the addition of "apps" to all iPhones. An app is otherwise referred to as a "program" by PC users and is simply a bit of software that allows you to do all kinds of cool stuff from oraganization, games, media, and a whole slew of stuff that you don't really need but can get a lot of enjoyment out of. I want to share with you some of the apps that I have downloaded and tried - similar to the way Xander would tell you about Optimus Prime and the Dinobots [which he doesn't really like]. The following apps are all free and are changing the usefulness of my phone. Check it out.

1. Facebook. How many different ways can I access this social networking tool? From my phone I can make a quick update, send someone a FB message, see who is online, view profiles and pictures, and chat as if I was sitting in front of my computer. It's very fast and although the iphone had a good facebook version prior to 2.0 this seems more intuitive and easy to use. Also, before you could not chat which is a relatively new feature to FB anyway. If you don't know what facebook is here is a link. Check it out - yes you too Mom and Dad. I lied when I said that I didn't think you'd get into it. I just didn't want you to see all the pictures of me drunk at weddings with the punch bowl on my head. My only gripe is that it still lacks many features that make FB a little more fun for nerds w/ too much time on their hands. I don't superpoke, play mob wars, or be a vampire, but if you really like that stuff you won't get it on this mobile device.

2. Light. This app is as simple as it gets. Ever been in a dark place and not had a light but you did have your phone? What do you do? You open your phone and use the light coming from the screen to give you some lumination. Light is made just for that. Turn it on and it simply displays a blank white screen. Perfect for giving you the light you need to find your keys in a dark room.

3. Light Saber. Nothing like Light. Many of the iPhone apps are useful, some are just for fun. This is one of them....and it will launch you into ultimate fandome [or geekdome] depending on when and where you turn it on. The app displays an image of a light saber [from star wars] that turns on when you touch the handle. Then from the external speaker comes the famous radiant glowing hum you would recognize from any of the Star War installments. Swing your phone this way and that and it will in turn play light-saber-swinging sounds. Swing it fast [like in a duel] and your ears will be delighted to hear the adrenaline pumping clash between two Jedi Knights. Ok, i've gone overboard with this, but it is cool for 15 seconds. Thanks to the motion sensors in the phone you can turn your handheld device into a Jedi's weapon of choice.

4. Remote. Turn on this application and you can control the iTunes on your computer [or apple tv] via your phone. Now, if they'd only make it remote control my stereo/cable/dvd player/wii/xbox 360 too...I'd be happy.

5. Shazam. This is probably my favorite so far. This app allows you find the title, album, artist of most songs as long as they are audible. When a song comes on the radio and you like it but don't know what it's called you just turn on Shazam and hold your phone out for it to collect an audio sample - about 20 seconds later it will tell you all the information about the song, give you an option to download it on iTunes, or watch a video of it on youtube. Its very amazing, but just how good is this thing? I tested it. Here are some fun results.

The following songs were tested one after another by simply flipping through radio stations in my car. Most of these songs were collected while I was driving down the highway [about 50 mph] with the windows down...so clarity is not a 'must.'

1. Bring You Back - Paul Alan
2. No Matter What - Jeremy Camp
3. Everything Glorious - David Crowder
4. Because of You - Kelly Clarkson
5. Sexy Can I - Ray J. feat. Yung Berg
6. I'll Fly Away - Jars of Clay and Sarah Kelly [this was a CD that I accidentally turned on]
7. Let it Die - Foo Fighters
8. In Love With a Girl - Gavin DeGraw

The only song it missed was a semi-obscure song by Shawn Groves...which I knew anyway. Very cool application and I've used it several times and found it to be nearly 100% accurate.

6. Weatherbug. It tells me the current weather of my area. Can show the maps and outside photos of that same area. Also gives the forecast for the next three days - and let's be honest nobody knows what it will do beyond that. Works exactly as it should.

7. Jott. This app allows you to speak into your phone and it will take written notes based on what you say. At least I think that's what it does - I couldn't get it to register properly. If you go with this, i recommend setting up your free account on the web first. In fact that's what I'm going to do when I finish this stinkin' post.

8. Aurora Feint. If you go to the "Top 25" paid apps [aka - ones that cost money] nearly all the top ones are games. Until now getting a game on your iPhone could not be done through any legal method. The games look great and obviously people want them b/c they are very popular right now. The only one I like so far and want to talk about [among the free ones] is a game called Aurora Feint. It's basically like Tetris Attack with RPG elements such as leveling up your character to give you bonuses as you play the game. It utilizes both the touch and motion censors on the iPhone and can easily be played for an extended amount of time. I was reading an article about it today where the writers acted astonished that the game is free. I'm glad it is.

9. Pandora. This I just got tonight and was instantly happy with it. Basically you give the app a list of musicians that you like and it scans radio stations for songs that fit that artist and genre. Then it streams them to your phone. No commercials, no lame DJs, just kind of music you like for free. The sound quality is excellent as well. The only bad thing is that if you have low reception you might get some lag between songs, but nothing serious. Its like having a bunch of random songs on my iPod that I never paid for. Good stuff.

There are hundreds of apps for the iPhone already and the longer developers have the tools they need to make them and make them work well, I'll be able to customize my phone in ways that was not really possible before. The testimony of this fan-boy should be clear - this phone is cool.

Sam and Worship

2008-07-07T13:44:00.003-05:00

I go to Bob Johnson's house a few times a week simply because that is where I store my motorcycle. At that house lives Bob, Candice, Sam, the manny, and Foster. Bob is dad, Candice is mom, Sam is son, manny is the man[nanny] (i can't remember his name) and Foster is the dog who typically doesn't care much for me especially when I come riding up on my motorcycle.
It's quite the exchange just about every time I go there. Someone is usually around to greet me and spend a few minutes in friendly chat except for Foster who mostly barks and a few weeks ago I thought was going to bite me. Its not uncommon for me to spend time just talking to Bob about his bat traps or Candice about her garden and leave the home with a bag of fresh vegetables or an invitation to the next Johnson party. I like going there...it helps me slow down my day.

Sam is of particular interest. He is a 14 year old boy who is disabled and spends most of his time in a motorized wheelchair. He needs constant watch and care - hence the manny - and rarely seems lucid. At least that's what I thought until yesterday. Most of my interaction with Sam has been at church. He likes to sit near the front and according to his parents just loooooves the music - although he's never actually expressed this to me since when I see him he is mostly just sitting there with little expression on his face. Usually, as we are closing out the service with a worship song, he wheels up to the front to get a better look at the band and music. It used to make me nervous and a few times I thought he was going to crash into the piano player or the drums. I'm quite used to it by now. I always say 'hi' to him and ask him questions but I don't really recall him working up a response...most of the time, his parents speak for him. If you sit around them all together, you'll notice that Bob and Candice often ask him questions that he seems unable to answer and [it seems] to understand. I always thought to myself - it's sad that they try to engage him in so much conversation when he can't respond.
Yesterday in church while we were reciting the Lord's Prayer I heard him belt out a few lines of it and when I looked over at him he had a huge smile on his face. Then his mom wiped the drool from his chin...it was really cool.

That afternoon I was dropping off my bike like I normally do when rain is in the forecast. Foster predictably came running up w/ angry barks and I in predictable response yelled at him [probably w/ slight fear in my voice] to shut up. Candice came out and called Foster back in and then promptly invited me in for lunch to which I was grateful. Over grilled sausage and pasta salad Candice and I made small talk while Bob napped in the recliner and Sam sat looking exciting about the stimulus of a house guest. While we are talking Sam blurts out: "Hey Tyler what songs did we sing today?"

I almost spit my food out. I have never in my 2+ years of knowing the Johnsons heard Sam speak so eloquently. His mom acted like it was no big deal [and to her it probably wasn't]. She said, "Sam you know what songs we sang...you were in church today singing them with us." Sam asked again, "Hey Tyler, what songs did we sing today in church?" I just chuckled...I was highly amused. Then I said, "well we sang lots of songs today." I started to rattle them off in a boring manner and Candice interrupted, "Sam why don't you sing Tyler one of the songs we sang today?" I then said, "yeah that would be great!" I didn't think that he'd actually do it, but no sooner had I had that thought when I heard Sam sing...

This is my desire...to honor You
Lord with all my heart...I worship You
With all I had within me...I give You praise
All that I adore...is in [long pause and a huge smile] YOU!!!

Then we finished off the song together. Candice, myself and Sam sang [while Bob napped and Foster chewed on a bone]:

Lord I give You my heart
I give You my soul
I live for You alone
Every step that I take
Every moment I'm awake
Lord have your way in me

Can you imagine the looks on each of our faces? Mine with surprise, Sam's with pride, and Candice's with joy? Next, Sam broke off into another worship song [which I'd never heard] and sang it completely by memory as I sat in amazement [with my mouth open, I'm sure] and Candice just smiling with what looked like a shimmer of tear in her eyes. What a worshipful moment!

5 min later we sang some Green Day...HA!

Have you ever thought that the simple singing of songs in church seems frivolous or insignificant? I know I do - often. There are times when I think all this drama over music and worship just isn't worth the time and resources. However, I can't think of a more beautiful illustration of God using a few lyrics and a few bars of music to show the effect worship can have in the lives of the seemingly insignificant [and I'm talking about myself]. It reminds me of the lyrics of Psalm 8:

"O Lord, our Lord, the majesty of your name fills the earth!
Your glory is higher than the heavens.

You have taught children and nursing infants to give you praise."

I often tell people that my greatest moments of worship happen outside of the worship service...well this is a great moment of worship happening outside the service but happened because people were willing to [lead] worship inside the service. Thanks to all who serve in this ministry and help put a song on the lips of those who hear you. And thanks to Sam for reminding me why my ministry is so awesome.

GPS vs. Puppy

2008-06-23T11:35:00.004-05:00

I recently had a very important decision to make: get a GPS or a puppy. I decided to do a side by side comparison to see which would be the better purchase. More specifically, I would be getting a yellow lab - not to be confused w/ a golden retriever which is an entirely different dog.

Navigation:

GPS - locate user's current position and fastest route to any known location in the US.

Yellow Lab - one of the most popular dogs used to train as "seeing-eye" dogs to help disabled people navigate public areas effectively and safely.

Verdict: TIE

Options:

GPS - wide screen, mp3 player, picture viewer, am/fm radio, text-to-speech, turn by turn directions.

Yellow Lab - Male or Female

Verdict: GPS

Coolness factor:

GPS - most likely to get the employees at Best Buy to talk to me.

Yellow Lab - most likely to get the cute girls at the park walking their dogs to talk to me.

Verdict: Yellow Lab

Cost:

GPS - anywhere from 200 to 700 american dollars.

Yellow Lab - ~600 american dollars to purchase. Does not include, food, vet visits, chew toys, stuff it's not supposed to chew on but does anyway, new carpet, etc...

Verdict: GPS

Companionship:

GPS - American English Jill [TTS] is capable of reading directions, street names, and locations accurately. Also notifies me when I have "reached destination."

Yellow Lab - man's best friend.

Verdict: TIE

Safety/Security:

GPS - cannot leave in the car b/c someone will likely break in and steal it.

Yellow Lab - cannot leave in the car b/c someone will likely freak out, report me, and have the dog taken away from me.

Verdict: TIE

So there you have it. Clearly, the GPS was the better choice.

for bacon lovers.

2008-06-17T13:31:00.000-05:00

Perfume Accountability

2008-06-11T10:02:00.003-05:00

Ok ladies...i'm only going to say this once.

If you put on so much perfume that by the time you get to your desired destination [party, office, church, etc.] it has the potency to fill an entire room w/ it's fragrance, then it is a BAD thing. Honestly, how bad could you smell anyway? If I'm standing more than 5ft away from you then I don't really wanna smell your gramma's old nappy perfume. Seriously when it's too much, it's enough to gag a yak...and that's a LOT!

I understand that when you first come out of your room or bathroom after having applied said perfume it is going to be a little strong, but for the love of all the nice pure air that exists out there TAKE IT EASY!!! sheesh. Oh and how do you know if you have gramma perfume that's likely to choke everyone around you? Here's some good questions to help you out:

1. Are you, in fact, a grandmother? If so, you probably have grandmother perfume.

2. Are you a grandmother and are you also wearing the same kind of perfume that you were when you were only a mother? If so, you definitely have granny perfume.

3. Do you notice young people holding their breath and coughing whenever you come around? If so, you probably have granny perfume.

4. Has anyone in your presence ever said..."What's that smell....er...nevermind." That's a typical oh.snap.I.smell.granny.perfume. response.

Of course if you like granny perfume, it's coooooool. You can wear whatever you like, but again the biggest problem is HOW MUCH of it do you put on.

Please use perfume responsibly. In the process of doing something nice for a loved one or family by putting on a few drops of perfume you could easily ruin everyone else's day.

Teaser!

2008-06-02T15:02:00.003-05:00

Just so you know...

there is a not-so-secret meeting happening on Wednesday. This meeting will be between 3 guys interested in putting their voices back on the web. I hope you all refresh your iTunes, because we've even invited Allen to help us discover why These People Are Crazy!!

fastrandom..

2008-05-21T18:24:00.002-05:00

Why do some companies make their markers smell like some sort of food product? When they smell bad I get the idea that I should NOT put them in my mouth. Why do they also try to match up the color w/ a smell of something that is usually the same color? A yellow marker will smell like lemon. A blue marker smells like a toxic blueberry. A black marker smells like licorice? WHY? Who cares if the colors match up?

I could think of tens of things that smell better than licorice... like coffee, or vanilla, or pizza...heck, why not just make the black one smell like an orange like the orange one? Is there something wrong with having more than one marker smell like an orange?

Don't give kids a reason to sniff markers. It could turn into a nasty habit.

Hmm, is that what I'm like

2008-04-24T13:11:00.003-05:00

Yesterday i bid farewell to my bike for an indefinite amount of time as it is being repaired. It currently leaks gasoline and antifreeze. lame. When the truck came to pick it up I was a little surprised and nervous. I was mostly expecting to see an official company truck [like a flatbed] with at least a logo on the door. Something like KAWASAKI of Montgomery - with a phone number or something. Nope, just an unmarked truck w/ a ramp on the back and two guys dressed as casual as could be. They didn't even look like mechanics.

One of the guys started asking questions. We'll call him guy1. My thoughts bracketed [like usual].

Guy1: so what are we dealing with here?

Me: Uhhh [aren't you supposed to just pick this up and go?]...well, it's leaking gasoline.

Guy1: ok, where from? do you know?

Me: Well, no i don't really know. I popped the side panel off and it looks like it's coming from right here (I pointed), but I really don't know what part that is. Also, there seems to be a leak from whatever this tank is right here...maybe antifreeze.

Guy1: (he looks at the part I pointed at) ohhh yeah...I see. yeah. Hey come look at this (talking to Guy2).

Guy2: hmm yeah I see.

Me: [you guys have no idea do you?] [do you even work for the bike store/shop] [and I going to ever see this bike again?] Ok.

Guy1: ok well Guy3 will call you once he gets it apart and can determine what needs to be done.

Me: ok.

Then they just loaded the bike into the unmarked pickup and drove off. I can't help but think that there was no way at all that I could've verified that these two were supposed to be there getting my bike. The only evidence I have is a poor snapshot from my cell phone that I only took to make this post.

BUT

It got me thinking. I'm sort of in the same boat as these guys. My [church] office building is not in a church at all...it's a log cabin. And when people stop by and I come to greet them, I'm dressed as casually as I would be if I was a temp worker picking up motorcycles in an unmarked pickup truck. People come in with all sorts of needs and instead of being greeted by a more traditional office environment where everyone is "business -casual" and all smiles and big handshakes like a car dealership, they are faced with a young, underdressed, unprofessional, and under-qualified Guy1. Yes, I am Guy1 and they have no idea if they'll see their motorcycle again... I may not always look the part, but hopefully they get the impression that I care much more about them and their needs than the shirt I'm wearing.

Seriously though...I hope I get my bike back.

Thanks QT! 615-482-0664

2008-04-16T14:23:00.002-05:00

This picture captures the essence of this blog. These people are crazy. Yes, it is true that in context this was probably a good way to give someone [who is a cutie] a phone number and a simple message. Obviously this person is quite thankful for something as well as interested in telephone relations. However, I would venture to say that the author of this message [I'm guessing a female] didn't consider the fact that what she's writing on is a $10 bill. A piece of currency that remains relevant AND in circulation long after it's left your hand. Hundreds, if not thousands, of people will see this and wonder....hmm who is on the other side of these digits.

ok, I know what you are all thinking, and YES, I called the number.

It turns out that the number is real and that it belongs to a girl named "Jen." When I told her that I had a $10 bill with her number on it, she laughed. Apparently she gave it to some guy at a club a while ago. I asked her if she was in the Chicago area, and she said that she was when she wrote the note [and she was sort of seeing him at the time]. I just laughed with her and told her that she might consider not defacing government property w/ her phone number unless she wants calls from strange men. And despite the fact that I'm not really a strange man, she probably doesn't see it that way...not after that phone conversation.

Bests of 2007

2008-03-27T14:31:00.013-05:00

Ok, it's getting a little late to do something like this, but I just recently finished my taxes and after thinking about the year 2007 I thought it would be fun to do a list of bests. This is just a list of things that I liked and am in no way qualified to do real reviews on anything...this is just for fun. So here goes:

1. Best blog of 2007 [that I actually read]:
Sometimes You Need An Old Man! Ok it may look like I'm playing favorites, but this blog has a lot of good ingredients that keep it fun and interesting. The posts are typically short and sweet, there is a good balance between serious/deep and lighthearted material, posts are frequent but not so much that you can't keep up, it's easy to read, contains good photos, and generally avoids overly controversial material. I read blogs to waste time and be entertained - this one is great for that. It is well written and wraps up the main thought fairly quickly and clearly. A bonus for me is that I get to see pics of my niece and nephew often [but not too much to be annoying]. My hat's of to TWH for sticking with it this long. Runners up: Mount Saint Dustin, and Rooting for the Underdog.

2. Best Movie of 2007:
Live Free or DIE HARD. This past year was full of awesome movies. The summer especially was packed with blockbuster hits, captivating dramas, and gangster movies galore. But you seriously can't really compete with good ol' Bruce Willis. The movie is action packed with hilarious one-liners and support cast. I thought the PG-13 rating would be risky since I'm not used to Die Hard w/ out plenty of F-bombs, but it was surprisingly [and overwhelmingly] enjoyable. Go John McCain - your legacy lives on! Runners Up: Transformers, The Departed, Mr. Brooks

3. Best TV show that I only started to watch in 2007:
The Office. I don't really watch TV and am not current on any show that is currently airing. So this year I decided to start watching the Office and I love it. I know it's not new, but this is how I watch TV.

4. Best Fast Food of 2007:
Jimmy John's. There is no restaurant that is faster. The best part is that I don't feel like a fat pig after eating there. I never had JJ's until this past year. I've missed out on so much. Runners Up: McDonalds, Culver's

5. Best New Restaurant that I tried in 2007:
Big Bowl. I thought P.F. Chang's was good until I went to Big Bowl. Seriously you have to try it out. Runners Up: Maciano's Pizza, Mongolian BBQ

6. Best Video Game of 2007:
Wii Sports. This game that comes packaged with every Wii is hands down the greatest crowd pleaser of a video game that I've ever seen or played. Over Xmas break we had a Wii Bowling game that even my grandparents participated in on a smaller level. We've practically put away our board games for good [except when we go to some girl's apartment] since we bought our Wii and Wii Sports is a game that brings everyone together. Hardcore gamers will shun it because of it's lack of detail and depth, but those people gave up on playing games with other physical humans long ago. Runners Up: Guitar Hero III, Metroid Prime III.

7. Best Album That I Purchased in 2007:
Deas Vail - All The Houses Look The Same. One of my students surprised me by introducing me to this band after he'd been to Cornerstone for a week. I really like their piano/el guitar driven music and the vocals are beyond sweet. Probably not your cup-o-tea if you like songs about spinning rims and ho's in clubs. Runners Up: Remedy by David Crowder, The Christmas Sessions by Mercy Me [yes, I'm serious - I love xmas music]

8. Best Item That I Purchased in 2007:
Nintendo Wii. I've talked about this a bit already, but this home entertainment system reaches all generations in a media style once thought to be only for kids and nerds. Even avid video game haters [like my parents] are willing to give this a shot and even liking it. If you can find one, you should buy one. Runners Up: The Fry Daddy, iPhone.

9. Best Book I Read in 2007:
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. The final chapter that was simply riveting. This was probably the first book that I've ever blitz read and enjoyed every minute of it. Runners Up: all the other Harry Potter books - I read them all for the first time in 2007.

10. Best Vacation That I Took In 2007:
4th of July Week. I went to the Taste of Chicago, visited the Shedd Aquarium, the Field Museum, The Art Institute, saw the 3rd of July FIreworks over Navy Pier, saw John Mayer in concert [for free], tried sushi for the first time ever, and was accompanied by J. Bradley and her daughter. It was a short week vacation but with so many activities packed in and great company. Nothing came too close to it. Runners Up: Xmas break w/ my family. We all had extra time off this year and it was a LOT of fun.

2008-03-22T16:55:00.001-05:00

Saying 'no' when you mean 'yes'

2008-03-19T15:47:00.003-05:00

Yesterday Luc and I were at the gym using an incline bench for something that we only needed a flat bench for. All the flat benches were taken. The guy next to us using the flat bench decided that since we didn't need an incline and he wanted to change exercises offered to do the ol' switcheroo so that we'd take his flat and he'd take our incline. Fair enough.

He said, "hey do you guys mind if we switch benches? I've only got one more set here and would like to use the incline."

"Ok, sure"

We waited 30 seconds then proceeded w/ the switch. As I hovered over the bench, I noticed that it was slightly glistening [i know it's gross] from this heaping gentleman's last round of lifting heavy things. It wasn't water. I believe that the man noticed me notice his bench.

He said, "do you want me to wipe that down real quick?"

I said, "NAAAAAHHHH"

What I really wanted to say was, 'hey yeah that'd be great' or 'i'll get it,' but instead I just said 'naaaah' and plopped down and went on w/ my workout. The entire next set I couldn't really focus b/c I kept thinking about how I was laying around in this guy's sweat because I was too stubborn/lazy/embarrassed/annoyed/caught off guard to just...say...yes.

Further Proof that These People Are Crazy...

2008-03-13T12:05:00.003-05:00

1. Yesterday Luc and I went to the Gym. At the check-in counter a lady in front of us [who i'm guessing was around 55-60] was about to go to the tanning bed. She said, "I'll only tan for 15 minutes today. I'm on a new antibiotic and my doctor says I should be careful about the sun for awhile." ...uh, ok.

2. There is a man at Walgreens behind a table full of hats and tshirts trying to give away free copies of the Beacon [a local newspaper]. I'm not sure which is worse - the fact that people cannot stop for 20 whole seconds to give this gentleman their attention and respond to him like he's a human being OR the fact that as people walk on by the man tries to continue the conversation w/ the back of their heads. Also, he was wearing a skin-tight UnderArmor shirt like he just jumped off his 10 speed. That's pro.

3. My roommate and I have begun a new exercise at the gym that consist of us sitting on a reverse incline bench and doing sit-ups w/ a medicine ball. The catch [quite literally] is that at the top of the sit-up you throw the ball to your partner who then throws it back to you as you descend for another sit-up. Lucas keeps calling this a 'fun' exercise - but it's not fun. It's just a sit-up that is more involved. Pony rides, watching movies, eating dinner w/ friends - these things are fun. Sit-ups, no matter how you church it up, are not fun.

4. Yesterday people kept coming into the office and saying "it is sooo nice outside." Except it really isn't. It's about 50 degrees max, all plantlife still looks dead, there's not an animal in sight, every field and large yard contains partially frozen standing water, it smells like mold, all remaining snow piles contain more dead leaves and cigarette butts than snow, and most yards and driveways are chewed up by recent snow-plow activities. Quite honestly, it looks like someone painted our entire community w/ a brown paint brush and then stomped on it w/ a huge boot. IF by saying "it's sooo nice outside" you really mean "it's nicer than it was 3 days ago and the sun is out," well then I can agree.

UPDATE

5. I just realized yesterday that baseball coaches wear the same uniform as the players. Is that really necessary? It's not the most comfortable outfit in the world. Can you imagine the head coach of a basketball team wearing shorts and a jersey? Or how about the swim team coach in a speedo? Or possibly the best...the male coach of a women's volleyball team dressed in those tiny shorts? LOLOLOLOL...baseball.

A good Tuesday morning chuckle

2008-03-11T10:34:00.000-05:00

Further Proof that These People Are Crazy...

2008-03-08T13:11:00.002-06:00

1. Yesteryday, one of the secretaries commented on the weather. She said, "I can tell that spring is in the air because of my alergies." Yesterday's high was 32 degrees, last night was down to 14, and it is snowing at the very moment I'm typing this sentence. Good call.

2. Last week at the airport, security had to do a search of my bag after it ran through the xray. They handed me back my bag w/ all of it's contents in a plastic bin and then told me that my iPhone docking station looked like a knife. Good eye, good eye.

3. Some people believe Hilary Clinton is a good presidential candidate. wow.

4. I saw a man on a motorcycle two weeks ago [he was riding down highway 34]. It was 24 degrees outside. He and the secretary would be good friends.

5. Lucas insisted that we had no food in the house and needed to go grocery shopping. It turns out that the only thing we needed was soda and ground beef. Everything else we now have double of.

C is for...

2008-03-05T17:36:00.003-06:00

Ok, this has to be a quick one.

Lucas and I went to New Hampshire this weekend to do some snowboarding and visiting. My deepest apologies to those of you I didn't get to see...perhaps a follow-up visit is in order. ANYWAY

Our flight out of Midway was something stupid, like 6:30am which meant getting to the airport at 5:30am which meant leaving the house no later than 4:15am which meant waking up at 3:45am. After we went through the security and quickly put our clothes back on we had just enough time to drop in to the Golden Arches for a cheap breakfast.

The airport was not very busy and the longest line we ever had to wait in, ironically, was the line for McDonalds. We were having a nice conversation about the pizza place next door offering a slice of any pizza for around $5 and generally trying to decide what to order from the king of fast food. Now if you've been in an airport before I don't have to explain the excessive amount of announcements that come over the PA. While calculating the price of a Cinnamon Melt + coffee in my mind the lady in the PA asked for Ronald C. McDonald to report to the security/baggage/check-in/whatever. RONALD C. MCDONALD

At first I panicked b/c I thought - 'well if he leaves, who will make my food?' but then quickly remembered that the beloved mascot is only a beloved mascot and not the person who brings those bacon and egg breakfast sandwiches to life. But it did then spark an interest and a conversation about: exactly what is Ronald McDonald's middle name. We just went on the assumption that C. is probably the correct abbreviation and that it probably stands for Clown.

So what do YOU think it could be?

Finishing Books

2008-02-13T13:54:00.002-06:00

When I woke up this morning I sat down in front of my bookshelf and started pulling out books that i've only partially read. I've decided that I don't want a bunch of 1/2 read books to talk about, I want to finish them. So here's the list of books that I hope to finish sooner or later over the next few months.

1. Famine in the Land by Steven L. Lawson - I've actually never read a single page of this book. It was recommended to me by an old profession [J. K. Jones] and I bought it. It's a book about expository preaching and was a textbook for LCC's preaching class some years ago and might still be. It's a short book too.

2. a Generous Or+hodoxy by Brian McLaren - I seriously thought I'd finished this but now I remember I got about 1/2 way through picked up the Last Word and the Word After That and never picked it back up. Oops. This should be a good finish.

3. The Bible Jesus Read by Phillip Yancey - it's a book about the Bible. Has some interesting perspectives showing what a 1st century person's Bible would've been like.

4. Read, Think, Pray, Live by Tony Jones - This is small book about lectio divina. Should be a quick finish.

5. Death by Meeting by Patrick Lencioni - I really like what I've read of this book as it one of the most recent that I've not finished. A book about how meetings can be good and not be dull and counter-productive. I typically shy away from leadership-ish books, but his material is both informative and entertaining. Only 2 chapters to go in this one.

6. An Hour On Sunday by Nancy Beach - This book has an outstanding polish in the way it looks, but it is like many worship books that I've read its kind of boring. I'd say that the book reads very much like Nancy teaches [seminars]. Interesting but not very dynamic and is mostly a passing of information. Too bad the book doesn't read as cool as it looks.

7. The Heart of the Artist by Rory Noland - Another book about worship that lacks inspirational material [which is ironic in my opinion]. I have read more than 1/2 of this book twice in two seperate copies...what is it about this book that I can't finish!?

8. What's So Amazing About Grace by Philip Yancey - My mom bought me this book for Christmas back when I was in college and I never read a single page. I'll give it a shot.

9. The Lovely Bones - Quite the interesting novel about a girl who was murdered and is now in heaven watching the mystery of her murder being unraveled by her family. She obviously knows what happened but she can't really help her Dad solve the mystery. Interesting ideas about what heaven looks like too.

10. The Weight of Glory by C.S. Lewis - The only reason I haven't finished this relatively small book is because it makes me question my intelligence and my ability to read and digest complex sentences.

11. Story by Steven James - This is a basic retelling of the story of the Bible using some creative writing. I stopped short b/c I was getting the impression that the author didn't really do his homework on the topic of Scripture and ancient literature and he also sometimes paints a picture of God that I find a little hard to believe. I'll try to finish this one.

12. The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien - I'm listening to this one on CD actually [for long car rides]. It's fantastic and I can't wait for another road trip. I'm just to the part where Bilbo sneaks by Golem and barely escapes the Misty Mountains.

Didn't Your Mother Ever Teach You...

2008-02-07T15:28:00.000-06:00

Age 1 to 100

2008-01-16T10:33:00.000-06:00

Ok this isn't a new video. It's been around for about 5 months, but I think it's pretty darn good. Watch it once you'll laugh. Watch it twice you'll cry.

What time is it?

2008-01-11T16:44:00.000-06:00

Ok, I wasn't going to post about this b/c I thought it was dumb luck, but it's getting worse and worse. Over the past 4 weeks or so, I find myself turning on my phone [or checking the time] only to be met by a number that is basically the same number repeated over 3 times.

Let me clarify. Nearly one time per day, I will turn on my phone [to make a call, check the time, check email, listen to music] and get a time like 2:22. When i turn on my phone it is locked, so all you see is the background big digital numbers representing the current time, and the lock slider that you must touch in order to unlock the phone. I don't know why, but in a creepy way I keep getting times that are all the same number. Its sort of creepy like the Twilight Zone or something. It's not like I turn on my phone every minute, it's so random....or is it?

Today for example. This morning after I had sent a bunch of emails and done some other stuff on the computer. I realized I wanted to plug my phone in and so when I turn on my phone....BAM! The time is 11:11. Work is done at 3pm. I stay a bit late to finish a download and a graphic and am therefore late for meeting Lucas as the gym. I step on the treadmill, turn on my phone to bring up a TV show to watch while running. BAM! it's 3:33. I get home from the gym and I'd been talking to a few friends on the phone. When I'm done my phone beeps to let me know I have a few voicemails. But for some reason, I don't check it right away and about two min later I turn on my phone to check them. BAM! it's 4:44.

I swear I'm not making this up and it keeps happening. Two days ago it happened just before I started setting up for youth group...5:55.

AM I GOING CRAZY!?!?!

Another Post, Cookie?

2008-01-08T13:22:00.000-06:00

On my way out for lunch, I asked the secretary if she wanted anything from Subway [which is where I was going]. When I asked her that question, this is what it sounded like in my mind:

"I'm going to Subway. Do you want anything? Cookie?"

However, as these words passed into the audible atmosphere they sounded more like this:

"I'm going to Subway. Do you want anything, Cookie?"

I pretty much wanted to go hide after that. Well after that and then trying to explain that I wasn't coming on to my co-worker.

Badly Burned

2008-01-08T12:34:00.001-06:00

I like to wake up to the smell of cooking bacon. So every night, I lay out 6 strips of bacon on my George Foreman grill and put it at the foot of my bed. When my alarm goes off in the morning, I quickly turn on the grill and go back to sleep. Next thing I know, I'm waking up to the sound and smell of fresh, crackling bacon. But this morning I had an accident and I ended up closing the hot George Foreman grill down on my bare foot.

Although I am currently disabled, I don't expect and don't want anyone to treat me any differently.

[don't worry mom and dad, I didn't really do this]

2008 resolutions

2008-01-03T13:26:00.000-06:00

And here they are in no particular order.

-spend more time outside

-spend more time with friends

-call parents more often

-go to more concerts

-finish paying off all debt

-work out 3 times a week [up from 2]

-eat more often

-eat breakfast daily

-eat in smaller amounts

-drink more water

-drink less soda

-get to sleep before midnight

-wake up before 8am

-blog more

-text more

-read more

-watch good movies

-be nicer to people

-finish Metroid Prime 3 and Zelda

-record more music

-buy more music

-listen to more music

-talk to more girls

-eat less red meat

-eat more fresh food

-ride the motorcycle more

-take more vacation time

I guess you could sum it all up with - live life better.

2007-12-13T12:45:00.000-06:00

I was standing in line at the Post Office today. I was mailing something to Julie - some photos from her 4th of July visit. So I'm just standing there waiting my turn.

A woman is in front of me trying also to mail some things. Two boys come up to her from behind everyone in line. I can't tell if the boys are both hers, because they were close in age but couldn't possibly be twins. One was thin w/ dark brown hair like his mother [he's boy 1], the other was a bit more chubby and had wild blond curly hair [he's boy 2]. Let's just say they are both hers for the fun of it all.

The boys come up to their mother as she's quickly talking to the PO clerk. Boy2 is holding a small package containing two smaller packages each about the size of a matchbox. I couldn't tell what they were. Boy2 says, "Mooooommmmmmy, I want this gum!" He is being very whiney.

Mom says, "No, we have gum at home. We can get it when we get home." She turns back to the clerk.

Boy2 replies, "NOOOOOooOOoOOOo... I want THIS gum!" As he says this he positions his hands on the package so that he has some pulling leverage. I can see the whole thing in my mind before anything happens. He's going to go ahead and open this gum while his mom is frantically hurrying with the nice lady behind the counter.

*RRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!*

I felt like I could've stopped it. But how rude would that have been? Plus it was more fun to just watch everything unfold.

Mom looks down and shrieks, "Nooooooo! I said 'no' you can't have this." She snatches up the package and examines it. It is quite literally ripped down the middle and she knows that she's gonna have to pay for it....and it's not even gum. "This isn't even gum! This is confetti!"

Boy2 protests, "NooooOOoOOOOoo, I want that gum."

Mom tries again, "It's not gum, it's confetti. You aren't listening to me!" She reaches in her purse to pull out some minty style of stick-gum. [i realize at this point she is a liar. She had gum in her purse all along...shame shame.] She hands him 1/2 a piece of that gum.

Boy2 shouts, "NOooOOoOO, I don't want that gum." So, Mom hands that piece to Boy1 who seems grateful he had nothing to do with what has happened so far. Boy2 realizes he just passed up gum and shouts again, "NOooOoOO, I want that gum."

Boy1 decides to push his luck. "Is that confetti gum?"

Mom sighs heavily. "No, you aren't listening either!"

Finally the conspirators come back together. Boy1 says matter-of-factly, "That's confetti. You don't want that."

Boy2 just looks puzzled.

Boy1 clarifies, "You know what confetti is? *pauses to think* It's not gum."

I laughed. ha!

There are some days where being able to just watch people and their kids is probably more fun than actually having them be your own. :)

Don't know where I'm going with this one.

2007-12-04T13:39:00.003-06:00

Hello - there are a few things I'd like to say. [expansive post]

-The price of stamps keeps going up. That is dumb.
-My roommate just got engaged. Only 10 more months and someone else will have to shave his back hair.
-I only have 9 more payments on my car.
-My car will break down in 9 months.

What is up with you people that only post pictures of your babies on your blog? I know some of you [better than others] and I know you have awesome ideas, funny jokes and comments, unique interests, serious concerns, and a personality that is all your own. It would be flippin' sweet if some of those things were the source of subject matter on your blog rather than a zillion pictures of your baby. Yes he/she is cute - we got that already. Challenge me, inspire me, upset me, inform me, entertain me. You can even sneak in a few photos of your child and I will pretend to pinch cheeks! So put your photos in shoe boxes [or photo albums] and stuff them in the closet where they belong - I WANT MORE FROM YOU!

-I want more snow. Now would be great.
-I beat my older brother in Wii Tennis. He is pretty darn good. He beat me in bowling.

That will be all.

2007-11-29T12:00:00.000-06:00

Black Friday

2007-11-20T12:55:00.000-06:00

How does your family handle this day? I've known people in the past who are ready to break down the doors at 5am at local electronic stores to get that once-a-year special on laptops, cell phones, DvD players, or electric socks. Or maybe you are the type of person who has decided that Black Friday is the greatest illustration of what's wrong with the world - as soon as people finish expressing their thanks to God, their family, their friends, or themselves, they you turn into mindless consumer zombies driven by clever and effective ad campaigns and feasting on all things retail.

Or maybe you are like my family who traditionally celebrates Black friday by spending the day together and getting almost nothing accomplished. It goes something like this:

-parents are up first and ready to take on the day.
-the boys are trying to squeeze in that last round of videogames before an all day shopping spree
-the plan is to leave around 9am [we're not crazy]
-somebody fails at understanding the morning game plan and we don't load the car until 9:30
-NEW- nephew/niece has a poopy diaper [add 15 min to prep time]
-where is mom? [add another 5 min]
-let's get some pictures!
-10am we leave
-obligatory conversation about how bad traffic is - compare that traffic to traffic near Fox Valley mall
-go to one store, buy nothing
-go to lunch and have a good time - continued conversation about traffic
-go to Best Buy where the majority of gifts for the boys and dads are bought
-have secret conversations with siblings and mom about "going together" on a gift for Dad
-make sure to bring a coat so you can hide the gifts while they sit in the cart
-pretend like you have no idea what is actually in the cart and why your brother asked you if you liked a certain movie or videogame
-go to a different store, buy nothing
-go to the mall, buy nothing
-obligatory conversation about why we even go to the mall in the first place
-obligatory conversation about how it's time to eat - nobody is hungry
-obligatory conversation about how difficult it is to find a gift for mom
-go to a sporting goods store to try and find a good hunting gift for dad [they don't have it]
-obligatory conversation about how all shopping done next year will be online.
-go home and eat Tday leftovers and watch a movie after taking best buy bags out of the trunk.
-parents fall asleep w/in 20 min of movie
-babies are in bed
-videogames

Personally I find the whole process rather fun. Especially since I know I won't actually buy anything I can just sit back and enjoy the show. So what do you do?

You Know it will be a Good Day When...

2007-11-14T11:25:00.000-06:00

When I fired up my car this morning, the song Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins was blasting in the stereo. It's one of those songs that makes the action of pulling out of the driveway seem really interesting and risky like it belongs in an action movie.

So I started thinking about what other things let me know when my day is going to be good:

1. When I wake up on my own and not because there are geese or construction workers making a lot of noise.
2. When I'm ready to go to work early so I don't have to drive like a maniac if I don't want to.
3. When it Saturday and I can wake up and head directly to my computer to play videogames all morning in my pajamas.
4. When I decide to make coffee.
5. When Luc makes me an egg sandwich for breakfast.
6. When all the laundry is done and I have many options.
7. When the house is clean and I don't feel guilty as I walk out the door.

Weird Halloween Stuff

2007-11-01T11:40:00.000-05:00

Were these things coincidence, or spooky Halloween happenings? You be the judge. [all of these things happened on Oct 31]

1. When I was getting ready in the morning, I was thinking about the movie Underworld 2 and and how good of a movie it is. Normally vampire sequels really stink [well most action movie sequels for that matter]. So, when I get home from work Lucas and his girl friend are sitting down to watch a movie....and it's Underworld 2. COINCIDENCE OR HALLOWEEN-CIDENCE?

2. I had to make a deposit at the bank, and I like going inside instead of the drive through b/c one of the ladies that works there is really cute. I was fortunate enough to get her as my teller, but as I was leaving she said "Have a nice day Mr. H***es [edited for security purposes]. How did she know my last name?!!?!?!?! COINCIDENCE OR HALLOWEEN-CIDENCE?

3. I went to Party City to get a Superman costume for a party later in the evening. Instead of having hundreds of costumes sprawled all over some isle, the back wall was a giant costume catalog. Each costume was shown on a model and labeled with some kind of number. All you had to do is talk to the employee dressed as a king which number you wanted and he'd go back into the storeroom and get your costume. All the costumes were labeled some like #355 or #224, or #165. The one I wanted [clark kent with superman muscle shirt behind work clothes] was oddly labeled #D022. D? Why a D? So I told the king that I wanted the clark kent suit and he says, "oh discontinued zero twenty two? I'll be right back." When he comes back he says they are all out. It's number means discontinued and they were all out?!?!?!?! COINCIDENCE OR HALLOWEEN-CIDENCE?

4. At the Halloween party [for students] we watched the beginning and the end of the Twilight Zone Movie that came out in the 80s [both scenes featuring Dan Akroid]. The end scene is about a guy on a plane who freaks out about seeing a monster outside the window destroying the plane's engines while traveling through a terrible storm. Of course nobody else sees it and they think he's crazy. At one part of his craziness, he's trying to take a nap, but can't shake the desire to look out the window once more to see if there really is a monster. Eventually he gives in and opens the little plastic slider and sure enough the monster's face is right in the window to make everyone watching the movie jump a little in their seat. Well it worked, and my fellow youth sponser saw it and jumped a little higher than the rest of us. Then she went on to tell us that the thing that scares her the most in the whole world is the thought of someone looking in the window from the outside - in fact, if she's the last one awake at her house, she turns off the lights and then runs upstairs to bed with her eyes nearly closed b/c she's afraid that she'll see some stranger looking in the window while it's completely dark. So I randomly picked a scary scene from a movie 5 min before the party and it turns out to be this youth sponsor's biggest nightmare [she was the only sponsor that came last night]?!?!?!?!? COINCIDENCE or HALLOWEEN-CIDENCE?

5. I put a rubber spider in Luc's bed last night b/c I know he is terrified of spiders and he didn't even find it?!!??! COINCIDENCE or HALLOWEEN-CIDENCE? ok just kidding I didn't do that.

Anyone else have a spoooooky story?

The Must-See-Movie of the year!

2007-10-24T14:29:00.000-05:00

This morning I got a call in the office that I was sure was a telemarketing call but turned out to be something unexpected. The woman on the other line asked was asking for the 'pastor-in-charge' kind of pastor and since that person was not available, I was the next best thing. Then she went on to explain that the new, animated "Ten Commandments" motion picture basically flopped it's opening weekend and they [whoever they are] are looking for people to show more support - I suppose the idea is to build a new bible study or sermon series around this new movie in hopes to bring the actual 10 commandments back into focus for churches at the same time boosting profits for whoever made this movie. Anywhooooo, this was our conversation after she explained the need.

Me: So you are saying that the movie did really poorly in the box office?

Her: Yes it was released last friday and did not do very good in the theater [she pronounced it theeeee-ate-her]. That's why we're trying to get some more support...

*I cut her off b/c I couldn't wait to say this*

Me: Well is the movie good?

Her: Yes it's really good.

Me: Have you seen it?

Her: Yes, i mean it's an animated movie...you know, kind of like clay-mation.

Me: Ok how good is it...name another movie that you could compare it to in terms of how good it is.

Her: Well you know it's animated, but not like a cartoon so it's good for older kids too....and I can't...well I don't think I've ever seen another movie quite like it to compare it to.

Me: Hmm, well I've never even heard of it - why do you think it did so bad?

Her: Well on the TV and the radio which is our best way to market the movie they had to pull the ads because they had the word 'God' in them so we lost a lot of advertising that way. So is there like an email address or something I can send you all our information about how to support blah blah blah

Then she went on to tell me that there are something like 10 religious movies from this same production company slotted to make it to theeeeeeaters, but if this one ends up being a total flop those movies will never see the light of day.

So she at least got my curiosity going and I looked up the movie trailer and all I can say is: RIP-OFF!!!! [Prince of Egypt?!?!] Oh that and the fact that the animation looks worse than veggie-tales makes me even less [if less than zero is actually less] likely to see this movie.

--------------------------------

OUR NEXT SERMON SERIES: The TEN Commandments [and a really bad movie that we don't really recommend but since we can't wait for the the 8th installment 'RUTH' we're going to throw money at it anyway].

here's the trailer in case you are like me and didn't know:

Time for a new show!

2007-10-02T16:08:00.000-05:00

Now that I've put Lost [season 3] away, I am in search of a new tv show to watch while I'm at the gym or when I'm at home w/ nothing to do. I've thought about getting caught up on some old favorites like Smallville, or 24, but I'm looking for something a little more humorous in nature. I was thinking about the Office, but I'm not sure I'm ready for it. Anyway, I caught a few clips from the show Flight of the Conchords, and it looks like a scream. Here's a nice music video from the American sitcom that has 1 season under it's belt on HBO. This kind of reminds me of my college days making up songs about why all the wrecked cars were parked out in front of Harmony Hall. Enjoy.

New Lunch Menu

2007-09-25T13:24:00.000-05:00

Ok, so here is my lunch plan as long as it doesn't get too boring:

Tues - Jimmy John's #2 w/ cheese [suck it Subway], chips, FOTW
Wed - Salad [Panera], french roll, FOTW
Thurs - Bowl of Soup, cheese stick, crackers, FOTW
Friday - Burger
Sat, Sun, Mon - free-for-all

FOTW = fruit of the week. Since fresh food goes bad pretty quickly in our house, you can only buy a few of one kind and eat it over the week.

All lunches served with WATER! [except burger day]

Dinner is a much less consistent meal for me, so I doubt I'll ever make a plan.

I know it's boring, but it's my life. [+10 points for guessing that movie]

Boycott

2007-09-17T12:15:00.000-05:00

I was thinking that I probably don't boycott enough things. I see all kinds of religious and/or political groups who aren't afraid to stand up and say, "i'm not going to buy that product anymore!!!" -or- "I'm not going to go to that place ever again" -or- "I will not participate in that activity!!" You can boycott anything...products, places, people, sayings, titles, etc. It's all up for grabs...or in this case, up for abandoning.

I am against a great many things, but it is time to put this flip flopping attitude behind me and take the next step in angry forsaking of things that don't really matter over extended periods of time. So the following list is what I will from now on be boycotting along with a short description for why I am boycotting them. You may not understand it all, but that's ok - these boycotts are for me and I won't send you an email trying to make you feel guilty for not boycotting them.

1. BP Gas Stations - This is America, and we call it gas so you can take your British Petroleum and cram it down your boot.

2. Pepsi-cola - I hate this stuff.

3. Castle Bank - I'm sorry, but your princess is in another castle.

4. Deep fried snickers bars [from the sandwich fair] - "it's just like eating warm fudge" - ok, then I'll just stick to warm fudge...which I hate.

5. Hardees* and Rally's [Checkers is ok?] - I don't really know. Julie says they have dumb commercials or something.

6. The man-made pond outside our house - If the geese won't touch it, then it's no good to me. BOYCOTT!!

7. Fergie - for great lyrics such as - "And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket"

8. Pink [singer, not the color] - So, you AREN'T here for my entertainment? Good point. You now serve absolutely now purpose - go away.

9. Vegetables - meat is better.

10. Trans Fat - apparently it isn't a part of any food and now they all claim to be healthy.

11. Chicago land traffic - I haven't worked out the details yet, but this one will be huge.

*It turns out that Hardee's [Carl's Jr.] has more than just myself and good friend Julie boycotting them. The American Family Association has gone on serious protest [and possibly a boycott?] of Hardees b/c of a more recent commercial for their new patty melt on "flat buns." I will admit that the first time I saw this commercial I lauged and am therefore boycotting Hardees for poor taste [although funny] and the AFA for caring so much. Video below:

The Accident and the Chair

2007-09-07T10:54:00.000-05:00

On Tuesday, I was sitting in my office waiting for the person I was calling to pick up the phone, and I heard a loud crack. The kind of crack that is unmistakably the smacking of one car against another. When your office is right outside a major intersection and you have very little sound barrier, you learn these traffic sounds quickly. As soon as the cars hit, one of them began honking it's horn - and never stopped. This is bad. I was picturing someone's face plastered up against the wheel slamming the horn trigger indefinitely in place. I immediately put the phone down and rushed outside while announcing to everyone in the office that there was a car accident.

When I opened the office door, what I saw was somewhat confusing. There were several cars parked in the middle of the road and it took me a second to determine which two had been in the collision. Both cars were facing the same direction, were in the same lane, had their airbags discharged, were smashed in the front, and were about 15 yards apart. The other cars were the awesome men and women who had immediately responded to the accident and were helping as best they could. And the horn was still honking. The scene was so crazy - cars were passing by slowly to watch, one woman in her car holding her mouth and crying, another in her car trembling slightly, a guy in work gloves [where did he get those] was pulling hard to try to get one car door open while the other car was slightly filling up with smoke from the engine. There were car parts, fluid, and debris all over the road, and that horn was just going on and on.

By no official meeting everyone helping silently figured the best thing to do was get the women out of their cars. One lady who was probably in her mid to late 20's and was driving a tiny little white SUV, the other, elderly lady was driving a huge, white grandma car [like a big lincoln or ford]. The stereotypes couldn't have been thicker. When I saw them being set in the grass, I went and got a few chairs from our office so they didn't have to sit on the ground. Probably not 2 or 3 minutes after I heard the initial smash, the police, ambulance, and fire department were there. I was impressed with how quickly they responded.

Later that afternoon when the officials were just finishing up, we went to retrieve our chairs and we could only find one. We looked all around our building, where the women had been sitting, in the street, on the roof, in the gas station across the street, in the dumpster, in our cars, in squad cars...pretty much everywhere. And there was no second chair. We asked a policeman who said he had no idea. When we were giving up and walking back in, this police officer called us back and told us that sometimes the paramedics will load people up however they are situated instead of moving them to a stretcher or whatever. That's dumb.

So, Chair, if you are reading this, please know that you weren't left behind, and we didn't forget about you. Please come back, we miss you. It's so sad to have an empty chair at the table, we just feel so alone. Those medical folks don't care about you, they are only using you. You know that we miss you and we're saving your spot right next to chair #4.

What are these things?!

2007-08-29T20:55:00.000-05:00

In the fashion of these people [who] are crazy I had an interesting encounter at Jewel-Osco [grocery]. I was doing my once-per-two-months shopping trip to buy ingredients for my world-famous dinners. When I was in the check-out lane, I was putting the last items on the conveyor belt when the cashier interrupted with this question:

"Um, excuse me...but what are these things again? Are they brussel sprouts? sorry!"

"..."

Isn't it awesome that the people who work at the grocery store do not have the ability to identify the very products that whiz past them every day? Either way, the bag boy[man] and I had a good laugh about that one. But the question remains to be answered. It is a fanciful question... WHAT ARE THESE THINGS?

I could answer it, but I'll let you be the judge!
1-pt for a correct answer
2-pts for compliments on my photogenic qualities
5-pts for the most creative identification efforts

go!
-------------------------------------------------------------
The most fun part of this post [for me] is when I asked Lucas to come down stairs and take my picture, he took a glance into the kitchen and when his eyes caught the green items in question, he asked with a wild wonder in his eyes..."hey, what are those things?"

a website you might like to try

2007-08-28T11:00:00.000-05:00

There is a website called goodreads.com that exists so that you can rate, review, and share the books that you've read. There are some people that blog about what books they are reading, and always find it interesting to see what literary works other people are diving into. This site is pretty easy to use, and it can help you get some ideas about what you might like to read next.

I know that one more blog-myspace-facebook site might not sound that exciting, but you can check it out if you like. If you join, you can add me as a friend. Also, Julie would ask that you invite her as a friend so she can loan out all her Joyce Meyers books.

Goodreads.com

Xander and Da Bears

2007-08-23T10:19:00.000-05:00

ohhh, that water is cold.
I'm pretty sure he's shouting something in this shot.
Sometimes Xander refers to himself as "the T-Rex." The T-Rex is having fun.
Waiting for Dad to start spraying water from the hose. again.
At the 10th row, the game looks much different than on TV

Strap

2007-08-16T11:18:00.001-05:00

You know how backpacks are these days right? There are two shoulder straps and one smaller strap that connects the two in the middle by a small clip. I'm not exactly sure about the purpose of this strap, but I always clip it on.

A few days ago I was at a party and when it was time to go I threw on my backpack and out of habit, clipped this strap together even though I was only going to be walking to my car. When I did, this college girl looked at me wide-eyed and exclaimed:

"Wow, you use the geek strap? That's so cool, I always use it too!"

Then she held up her open palm waiting for a high five which I reluctantly gave. I somehow felt like I had unknowingly stumbled into some kind of nerd club. What's next? Pocket protectors? Tucking in my shirt and wearing my slacks above my navel? Should I start grabbing a tray when I go into the cafeteria? How did this happen?

Lost

2007-08-14T12:56:00.000-05:00

I have just finished Season 2 of Lost and now I'm in season 3. There isn't much to tell, the story progresses very slowly but is somehow gripping at the same time. Just in case you've never watched this show, or are interested in watching it, I have a few things to offer that will help you as you digest the stories of all the people lost on such a remarkable island.

1. The show is more about past stories and character development than about being lost on a deserted jungle island.

2. Just when things begin to get somewhere, the plot could open to something completely unexpected.

3. If you have a flash-back, that episode is about you.

4. Any newly introduced piece of information will not be explained at least for 4 episodes if at all.

5. If you go out into the jungle alone, you will probably get captured, killed, or surrounded by scary music.

6. If you think you've got a good plan, it's not a good plan. If you just wander around with no plan at all, it will work out for the best.

7. Hallucinations are very common and will often appear before you just long enough for you to run off into the jungle alone. note: see #5

8. If you pop up one episode as a new character, you will die.

9. Falling in love happens faster on the island and usually results in someone dying.

10. Don't hang around John Locke, don't trust Sawyer, don't kiss Kate, don't expect good things for Jack, don't care about Charlie, Claire, or Rose.

Above all -- don't expect to understand any of it anytime soon!

Archway Cookies

2007-08-01T19:18:00.001-05:00

I was in the kitchen a few days ago and did a 'double-take' at a few packages of cookies on top of our microwave. Hmm...there's something familiar about the brand name Archway when it comes to cookies. Can anyone guess why Archway is such a familiar name to me even though I [still] have never eaten a single one? I'm guessing my brother Jon will remember...

NOTE: "The company makes soft-baked cookies, which have a shorter shelf life than the 'hard' brands and are generally preferred by consumers over the age of 50." -taken from the archway website

Dear Jimmy John's

2007-07-29T18:32:00.000-05:00

I am sorry that I turned my nose up at you all those years. I should've taken the advice passed down the ages by wise men and women who stated, "do not knock it, until you try it." For years I viewed you a less than equal sandwich shop when compared to the likes of Subway, Quizno's, Pen Station, and others. Only recently while in a carefree mood did I allow your goodness to pass into my bowels. And happy I have been since that glorious day! I shutter to think of all the times that I passed you up in pursuit another sandwich that would not fully satisfy. I have squandered my earnings on food not equal to the quality that is inherent in your flavorful #2 (with cheese), and for this I apologize. Let us unite together from hence forth into a new world where good sandwiches may be the cornerstone upon which all other cold lunches may be built upon.

Here's what I've missed:

1. The most consistent sandwich from any sandwich shop. Subway is the worst at this...you never know what you're getting with them.

2. A sub that doesn't need to be toasted to be good. Seriously, go out and try a #2 today.

3. Best bread. This falls into the 'most consistent' part.

4. Good size sandwich. A perfect proportion.

5. Good chips - plain chips are the best.

6. Coke products. Suck it, Pepsi.

7. They deliver - literally, they will drive a sandwich to your house. That's brill.

Vacation Pics!

2007-07-24T23:05:00.000-05:00

The following photos were all taken from my iPhone.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Most of the vacation was spent walking around downtown during the Taste of Chicago.

I'm betting this picture will be up for around 24 hours before I'm asked to take it down...lol. Shedd Aquarium.
a frog.
Deven's response to me asking to trade my sushi for her cheese burger.
This is Lucas. He is sitting next to a 5 year old on a sugar rush. Also, it wasn't his vacation. Can you guess what restaurant we're at?
Waiting for fireworks to start. It was this crowded all down the lake shore as far as we could see.
Fireworks on the 3rd - Julie took lots of good shots

This photo cost me $2 - this angel 'street performer' was just outside the Art Institute
this is as close as we could get to John Mayer - but hearing him is much better anyway... The man in the yellow shirt just elbowed that lady and took her lunch.

The first post...

2007-06-29T23:19:00.000-05:00

from my new phone!

Ok it's vacation time!

2007-06-26T12:18:00.000-05:00

It's been a long time since I've written and so maybe I'll do more this week. I'm going on vacation and every time I tell someone that they say "oh where are you going." Well [i tell them] I'm not going anywhere. I'm going to stay at home and simply enjoy some time of NOT working. I haven't had a vacation like this in probably 2 years and I'm really going to enjoy it.

Ok so it isn't completely true. I plan on going to the Taste of Chicago next week around the 4th. I think this could be really cool. I will probably miss the John Mayer concert [which i think is free] but it's alright. What's really awesome is that Julie is coming to visit starting Saturday, so maybe I'll have some pictures to post here when it's all said and done.
----------------------

I've successfully read all of the Harry Potter books [in a matter of 2 months] in preparation of the final volume coming out in July. I was in Borders the other day and they have a book predicting what will happen in the last book. Who would read that? I certainly don't want a bunch of over-obsessive Potter Nerds spoiling the ending for me since in all their infinite nerdom they probably got a few things right. In fact, I'm going to try to stay off the internet completely when the book comes out b/c there are people who find joy in spoiling the ending of popular books and movies since they know it upsets people. These people jump on message boards and forums and blogs and those kinds of things and try to get you to read the secret ending without warning. I think there is an extra hot section of hell for people that actually plan out how they are going to ruin an otherwise enjoyable experience for others that they don't even know.

I'm going to Six Flags tomorrow. I used to love to go there. Now I think that $40 a ticket is highway robbery!

The Envelope

2007-05-31T14:00:00.000-05:00

Today as I was sitting in my office trying not to concentrate on how hot and muggy the weather is, a woman dropped by unexpectedly. She was carrying with her a sealed envelope with my name on it. She came in, closed the door and said, "I need to tell you something and you can't laugh or make fun of me." Of course I fought back a large grin since we've had many conversations that end up with us sarcastically poking fun at each other. She had a nervous half-smile on her face and I knew she was serious.

I was pretty shocked to hear what she said next. She told me she would be having surgery next week (which I already knew) and then as she handed me the envelope she told me that the contents contained the music that she would like to have at her funeral should something go terribly wrong with a somewhat non-threatening surgery.

I just kind of sat there, speechless, trying to take in the weight of what was going on. Holding the envelope in my hand I resisted the temptation to make any jokes. For the next few minutes I just listened and tried to understand why this was happening.

Well it turns out that some people get very stressed about things like this and one of the ways they cope is to try to be "prepared" in case of a tragedy. It reminded me of when my roommate told me that his parents told him all about their will in case they died on the airplane on their way to vacation.

I put the envelope in my desk. I have no intension of ever opening it and I pray that next week will come and go and the dust will simply continue to gather.

Spiderman 3

2007-05-15T10:18:00.000-05:00

I am usually skeptical about sequels. They usually get worse as they go on. Without saying too much about this, I point to Xmen 3 as a perfect example. The dialogue becomes cheap and the action becomes stupidly over-the-top. Spiderman 3 completely took me by surprise. I enjoyed nearly every minute of it. The humorous parts had me laughing, the dangerous villains had me on the edge of my seat, and the parts that make you jump made me - well, jump.

In my mind, what makes the movie great is that its main focus isn't necessarily on the action and the beating up of bad guys. There is a lot of attention given to the characters and their own personal stories and emotions. I found myself caring more about the characters' relationships with one another (good or bad) than I did about the ensuing good vs. evil physical bouts.

The acting was pretty solid from what I could tell. Tobey Maguire (peter parker) still has some of those odd (blank) expressions but he did some things in this film that I thought was a lot of fun to watch. Topher Grace was surprising and I was able to detach him from his character from That 70s Show - which was imperative for the role he played in S3.

About the movie itself. This movie doesn't take itself too seriously. There are a lot of jokes and other humor and some outright silliness. I find this quite appropriate considering (what I believe to be) the nature of the Spiderman comic. This movie also contains probably the most popular villains. You will almost cheer when you see him in action. And of course there are the great action scenes filled with people getting beat in a way that makes you flinch a bit.

The movie isn't perfect by any means. I am only going to give it 4 out of 5 tpacs and there are three reasons that I won't give it a better score. I will just make mention of them so as not to spoil anything for those who haven't seen it. If you have seen it, you'll know exactly what I'm talking about. And here are the movies weakest points (things that made me shake my head)

1. The piano - I think I actually said "oh come on" out loud in the theater.

2. Emo - The concept was a good one, but the execution was poorly done and downright cheesy.

3. The American Flag - I simply placed my forehead into my palm and sighed.

So there you have it - my humble review. I saw this movie on an IMAX screen and it was amazing. I would recommend doing this if there is one in your area. Next movie in the IMAX is Harry Potter. I'm beyond excited.

Congratulations Julie

2007-05-08T12:33:00.000-05:00

What a fun couple of days. First time golfing for this year was a total blast and I got to hang out with the new graduate! Saw a few movies and The Breakup was not nearly as good as The Prestige. Trip was too short and I got behind in work, but it was worth it.

You Just Signed Your Expulsion Papers, Nuwanda

2007-04-03T11:43:00.000-05:00

Yes, throughout my movie watching career the Dead Poets Society had always escaped my grasp. I was in the mood to watch movies this weekend, and so I picked up Minority Report to ease my way into motion picture entertainment. I knew DPS would be a heavy movie so I didn't want to start with it.

This is a great film! I really enjoyed Robin Williams, and I'm wondering if he's even capable of playing a part that doesn't include him making some sort of silly voice. Kind of like Jim Carey only a much better actor. The best part is the way his character makes you feel. I'm going to guess that the majority of the people who have ever watched DPS probably felt the same way about English (poetry really) as the young boys first did in the movie...that it is corney and weird and just something to study and get out of the way -- and on to the important topics. However, Keating makes you want to huddle up with him in his unorthodox class and hear the secrets of poetry and language. He makes what he teaches seem like the most important thing you could learn. This is how I wanted every teacher I ever had to teach like.

Another person I want to mention is Kurtwood Smith. He plays Niel Perry's father. I think anytime you see this guy in a movie he is going to play the hard-nosed, unforgiving, un-compassionate, authority figure. He plays the part so well, you immediately don't like him as soon as you see him. He is completely against his son doing anything creative or off of the track for medical school, and within the first few min of the movie, you know he's going to be trouble. In fact, there is a bit of tension that rides the entire film. They boys are learning, changing, becoming more passionate, and joy-filled...but we all know that it can't last forever and that no movie is going to let them get away with all of that without some great conflict. I won't spoil anything though in case someone else out there hasn't seen the movie yet.

Anyway, I recommend this film as one to watch by yourself. This isn't a party movie, and it certainly isn't something you watch with a nice date. It's one of those movies you watch when you can sit and enjoy a good cup of coffee and devote your mind to the ideas taught in John Keating's classroom. You will enjoy the inspiration and you will contemplate these things for days to come, I'm sure.

Seize the day. :)

A Profound Post

2007-03-20T14:53:00.000-05:00

I think it is appropriate to make note of the political ramifications facing our country because of our presence in Iraq. It seems like nobody wants our boys out at war anymore and I for one am questioning if peace is something that is ever really obtainable through wars and arguing politicians. I often wonder if the people in Iraq even have a good concept of peace in their minds. A few days ago, I went to a "call for peace" which is really a call to get Americans out of it, but I was I was struck by a man who got up and exlaimed, "Now this is the story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down and I'd like to take a minute just sit right there I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called bel-air. In west Philadelfia born and raised on the playground where I spent most of my days. Chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool and all shooting some b-ball outside of the school. When a couple of guys said were up in no good started making trouble in my neighbourhood. I got in one little fight and my mom got scared and said youre moving with your aunte and uncle in bel-air. (only the first three episodes of season one) I begged and pleaded with her the other day but she packed my suitcase and sent me on my way. She gave me a kissin and she gave me my ticket I put my walkman on and said I might aswell kick it. First class, yo this is bad, drinking orange juice out of a champagne glass. is this what the people of bel-air livin like? Mm this might be alright! I whistled for a cab and when it came near the licensplate said 'fresh' and had a dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare but I thought now forget it, yo home to bel-airI pulled up to a house about seven or eight and I yelled to the cabby yo, home smell you later! looked at my kingdom I was finally there to settle my throne as the prince of bel-air."

i laugh at this

2007-03-08T12:36:00.000-06:00

Will somone please...

2007-02-28T13:08:00.000-06:00

...get a motorcycle for this spring. I'm tired of riding solo all the time. Pretty soon the weather is going to warm up and I need a buddy to ride around with. The following excuses for not getting a motorcycle are not valid:

1. "They are too dangerous" - if they were too dangerous they wouldn't be legal. Here's some tips. a. wear a helmet. b. don't drink or use drugs before riding. c. wear reflective/bright clothes. d. don't be an idiot. e. don't ride in poor weather/environment conditions. there I just upped your riding safety by about 90%.

2. "I can't afford it" - that's a lie. This is america! You don't even have to have money to buy things. :)

3. "My wife won't let me get one" - easy enough to get around. All you have to do is simply buy her one instead and (who knows) maybe she'll let you ride it.

4. "I have a family and I can't risk getting hurt or blah blah blah" - just get some good life insurance and they'll be taken care of.

5. "I am a bad driver and I don't think it would be smart driving a motorcycle" - wrong. It's better...for those of us who are scared of bad drivers like you. I'd like to get you behind the "wheel" of a less destructive vehicle. Bad drivers should drive mopeds, not tanks.

There you have it, there is no excuse. Now all we have to do is figure out the name of our new biker gang...I kind of like 'the Cobras.'

Life As A Single: Coming Home

2007-02-18T19:24:00.000-06:00

I hope some of what I write in a series of new posts about living a single life really resonates with those of you out there that in in a similar situation. I also hope that it brings some light to those of you who have for so long been with someone that you have lost touch with the single life and all of it's glories and struggles.

Over the last few days I have spent all my time with a group of high school kids in central Michigan at a retreat center/camp called Spring HIll. It was a good weekend and I pray to God that it challenged my students in a new way that will help them live for God in a way they they have not considered. Between Friday night and Sunday evening I slept little and showered less (none actually). Once I sent off all the kids, I began my short car ride home and immediately noticed the silence. I was alone.

Coming home as a single person is kind of a tricky thing. When I usually walk in the door I am delighted to be greeted by my roommate and whatever slightly annoying and slightly catchy nickname he's created for my arrival. Lately, we've been greeting each other as rrrroommate (with rolling r's) or as brrrrrrommate (same effect). I am always satisfied to come home to someone - anyone who is glad that I'm home and unless the garbage didn't get taken out or the toilet is clogged (which it is right now) this simple and ritualistic greeting is enough to make me feel at home and not alone.

But tonight was a little different. Only because when I arrived at the church office it was filled with moms and dads, brothers and sisters who were awaiting the return of their sons and daughters. Who was awaiting me? nobody. And who was awaiting me when I got home? nobody. Sometimes, I just want to be able to walk in the door and have someone say, "hey, you're finally home. I (we've) missed you so much." When I walked in I was only greeted by the whirring of the heater and the sound of my own unpacking. Is it sad? sometimes. Is it lonely? Yeah, it can be.

It's one of the simple pleasures that maybe you or I take for granted - being welcomed home.

Actually, when I first arrived at the church office one of the students' mother came running up arms wide saying, "Yay, you're home. You can never leave again." Of course she was merely joking b/c she's on the worship team and was referring to the fact that things didn't go so awesome this morning at church. Even though she was joking, that hug felt great. She'll probably never know how much it meant to me.

Random Things

2007-02-08T12:07:00.000-06:00

Entry 1: When Lucas and/or I are playing video games at home we have conversations that I barely remember. My parents could probably verify that their offspring have for many years been able to ignore outside stimuli when we are fixated on videogames and other technologies. However, I remember this conversation:

Lucas: Wow, it's freezing in my room tonight! *rubs his own arms*

Tyler: Well you could get that space heater out of my car, it's still in the back seat.

Lucas: Alright where are your keys?

Tyler: You don't need them, my car should be unlocked.

Lucas: I still need your keys because Matrix's lock themselves.

this caused me to actually take my eyes off the screen

Tyler: What? No they don't (I'm about to start laughing).

Lucas: Mine always locks itself, doesn't yours.

Tyler: I bet you it doesn't unless you press a button on your keychain and then don't open your door.

Lucas: Okay, but if I get down there and your car is locked...

I think we might have to run some tests on our cars to see if they magically lock themselves.

Entry 2: How to make a good egg sammich - spelled wrong b/c it's awesome.
-Fry an egg. I choose over-easy. I prefer the yolk to be runny :)
-toast some bread. I only lightly toast w/ only minor or no brown.
-place a very thin slice of velveta on the toasted bread and put the freshly fried egg on the top of it to melt it a little.
-finally, fry a slice of salami and place it on top of the egg. Try out other meats for fun!
-sprinkle with pepper taken from Culver's.

The best part is when you bite into the yolk and it spills all down the sandwich and on your plate. Then you have something to dip your sandwich in. :)

Entry 3: Over the past week, it has not been over 10 degrees and two days ago it snowed about 6 inches. This is a winter wonderland and I couldn't be happier. I love snow.

Entry 4: Rex. Grossman. Sucks.

My next post will be about some valentines day cards my students made for people at the local nursing home. You'll enjoy the photos.

Legal

2007-02-02T13:09:00.000-06:00

No longer do I have to constantly look over my shoulder while driving to and from work (or wherever). Today at around 11:30 the nice lady employed by the Plano, IL DMV handed me a generic liscense plate and sticker. Unfortunately I was not able to get my drivers liscense changed over, but I will do that soon as well.

This must be what gangsters feel like when they go 'legit.' I would post a picture but I didn't.

Cell Phone Changes

2007-01-25T13:57:00.000-06:00

Phase 1 of "Get an iPhone when it comes out" is complete. I have all but vanquished my existing cell phone plan and number.

However...

They still exist. I have converted my current plan into a "pay as you go" plan.
Here's how it works:
-Every day that I use my phone I am charged $1.
-Every minute I talk is $0.10
-Every text message is $0.15
-Either an accepted call or text message will count as "phone usage" and will trigger the $1.00 fee.

Here's how it effects you:
-Don't call me or text message me @ my current cell phone #.
-Instead, contact me through my work cell #.
-To get that number, please request it by emailing me. <--click that link to open default email editor. or..... tyhuze@gmail.com (same as link)
-If you do call me on my cell, I will more than likely call you back from my work cell, so don't expect an answer, and by all means, don't leave a voice mail.

So why would I keep the phone and number?
-I have many names and numbers that I don't feel like transferring to my work phone.
-I have registered my cell number as my "home" number for so many websites, policies, official profiles that changing it would be a kind of pain.
-Many people who have my current cell number don't read this blog and I'm not going to call them all to tell them.
-Emergencies.
-I hate my work cell phone.

Pan's Labyrinth

2007-01-23T12:10:00.000-06:00

Lucas and I saw this movie yesterday and I thought it was really good.

I'll note a few things so you don't get the wrong impression:

1. This is a fairy tale, but it most certainly is not for kids. The MPAA has given it an R rating and it is well deserved. If you take your kid to see this movie you are a bad parent. The movie is much more violent than you'd expect.

2. This movie is nothing like the Chronicles of Narnia. The trailer reminds me a little of the Lion, The Witch, etc, etc. but the two movies couldn't be more different unless there were circus clowns involved.

3. This movie is in Spanish. If you cannot read (or understand spanish), you won't know what's going on. I like foriegn movies for some reason. When Luc and I bought our tickets a guy behind the counter (the manager, maybe) said, "you know it has subtitles right?" We knew.

So if you are looking to see a good movie, this is one. Nice to see on the big screen. Great cinematography, dialogue, and score. The acting was superb as well.

The Apple iPhone

2007-01-11T12:43:00.000-06:00

I'm getting one of these. I'm completely sold and I'm completely amazed by it. I am, of course, a fan of Apple products and I think this is the most exciting thing they have released in a long time.

Finally, my timing and Apple's timing lines up perfectly. Recently, I have been thinking about getting a new iPod (so that I can get tv shows and movies) and my two year contract with Cingular has played itself out and it's time to upgrade to a new phone. With this device, I can get the best of both worlds AND I'll be using the same Cingular network that I have been happy with for the past 4 years.

The Plan: I am going to turn off my current subscription with Cingular and the money I save will go directly into an iPhone savings "jar." When June comes, it won't be a huge financial commitment all at once.

In A Related Story: Linksys (Cisco) has recently released a phone series that works on LAN lines and Skype and has entitled the series iPhone. What a bunch of losers. Could they not come up with something a little more original? Anyway, I think they are going to sue apple for the name, but it may not work since Apple has i[fill in the blank] on nearly every single product. I hear that linksys also has a new line of DVD players coming out called Nintendo and a brand new wireless router coming out named Hello Moto. They are the cutting edge of innovation.

If you want to see a video demonstration of the iPhone, you can go to Apple's website and either view the flash presentation or you can download the keynote address (I would recommend this). If you only want to see the part about the iPhone, just click on 'watch iPhone introduction.' It's very cool. Video runs in Quicktime.

So who's with me?

The Lottery

2007-01-09T11:52:00.000-06:00

woah two posts in one day.

Lucas and I went to the grocery yesterday and right before we left I decided to play my hand at the lottery machine. You see, you put in a dollar bill and a scratch-card comes out and you have a chance to win a money ammount, another card, or nothing.

Just so you know, I NEVER play the lottery and I usually chuckle at people who drop their bills into these kinds of machines. I also rarely carry cash on me because I know that I'll spend it on stupid stuff. Well yesterday was no exception. I put in a dollar and waited w/ high anticipation for my chance to win up to $200 holiday dollars. The machine spit my card halfway out and then sucked it right back in. Nothing else happened.

What a rip-off. I mean I know the lottery is a gamble, but the gamble isn't supposed to be with the machine! I was too proud to go ask the front desk to give me back my dollar which I was basically giving away in the first place. Plus how would I explain it...

"yeah I played the lottery and lost my dollar.'

'of course you did. have a nice day.'

Stupid lottery.

The Gym

2007-01-09T10:06:00.000-06:00

Ok this year I decided that I wasn't going to make a new year's resolution that would be difficult to follow up on. Instead, I made some small goals that it would be possible to meet and then see where I could go from there. Well, yesterday, I completed one of my goals by going to Cardinal Fitness and buying a membership. I knew that if my goal was something lofty and difficult like - work out 3 times a week - i'd never get it done. So I did what I knew I could do on my day off. I got the membership, I ran a mile, and I did some sit-ups and pull ups.

So now that I'm on the road to a more healthy life you can expect to hear about it on upcoming podcasts posts because I've always been fascinated by peoples' behavior at places like the gym. After all, these people are crazy. peace.

A Merry Christmas Post

2006-12-26T22:56:00.000-06:00

I just want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a happy new year. This is probably my favorite time of year because I get to see my family and have a jolly good time sharing stories, gifts, and of course love. This year we were instructed to come prepared to share some good family memories. Not surprisingly a good number of them were about the funny things we did as kids (especically Adam). But it was all in good fun, and I had a good laugh at digging up some past experiences.

We did this little exercise around the dinner table, and it dawned on me that my family has always communed around the dinner table. It's where we've fleshed out memories, frustrations, victories, and disappointments. Nearly every topic has come up and I have more fond memories of my family around the dinner table than in any other location. So some props to my mom for possibly starting up a new tradition for the Hughes family. It was however disappointing that Jon and his family couldn't be there for it. I remember saying out loud, "too bad Jon isn't here. He remembers things that I never can. He'd be awesome at this game." Oh well, a man has to make new traditions with his family...even if it's only for a simple reason that some people must work when others are free to fellowship.

One tradition we missed out on this year is a bit of a surprise. Since I can remember, we (as a family) have always read the Christmas story (usually out of Luke). Before we were decent readers, my father would read and we'd act out the scenes with a small and very old nativity set. I always liked being the shepherds because they came with little ceramic sheep that seemed more special because they were actually breakable. This year, we didn't even get to the gifts under the tree until well into the afternoon and the Christmas story was not read like usual. I'm not sure why we didn't. Maybe we just forgot. Maybe it's because this was the first season that we weren't all together for opening gifts and sharing with each other. Or maybe it's because the day before (Xmas eve) all of us had spent a great deal of time at church in worship and telling the story of the birth of Jesus to our own church families. In either case, I don't feel like we missed the 'reason for the season.'

Anyway, I hope you all had a good year. The following is a picture of me while I was writing this post. Merry Christmas.

This Just In

2006-12-13T13:29:00.000-06:00

If you order an Italian BMT w/ extra cheese and a drink/chips combo from Subway, your total will be $6.66 - clearly this is proof that Subway Jared is the anti-christ.

In relation to that...

I had $0.94 left on a Subway giftcard I got for my Bday. When I handed the cashier my giftcard, he ran it but was confused about how to then cash out the remainder of the bill. He asked for help from a fellow employee and all was taken care of. He finished the cash out and the receipt printed and as he handed it to me. Then it dawned on him as the cash register popped open that he had not run my debit card to pay for the rest of the meal. He looked at his machine, looked at me, looked at the card in my hand, looked back at the machine... I could tell that the wheels were really turning (more like grinding) in his head. He slowly closed the drawer and said, "you know what? whatever, it's good." And then he made gestures for me to leave. lol.

That whole encounter reminds me of one of the only Beavis and Butthead cartoons I ever saw.