five minutes with Flora (PART 3)
I was impatient today. I'd like to say that I always look forward to spending time with Flora, but the truth is, sometimes I am just not ready for that kind of a visit. David (my pseudo boss) took the day off to go fishing so I got the opportunity to handle all of the monday hospital calls myself. I visited two other people before I got to Flora. One lady was in critical condition yesterday but is doing much better diagnosed with ulcers rather than cancer. The other lady had recently had surgery on her foot and has spent the last 15 weeks trying to recover from an injury she got at work. By the time I got to Flora, I was tired. Battling traffic all afternoon is no picnic, plus, I am sick as a dog right now. I felt even worse when I walked in to her room. She was sleeping (I think). Anyways, her eyes were closed, and I now wonder if I should have let her go on sleeping. I blurted out her name and her eyes cracked open...she was out of it. I think she forgot I was there as soon as I sat down next to her. I said a few things to her, and I was lucky to get a look from her. What would she rather have, sleep to make miserable time seem to go faster, or people visit to make that time a bit more enjoyable. I don't know, and she'll never be able to tell me. Anyways, I read Psalm 145 to her...it's beautiful. It is a wonderful thought (although ironic in this setting) that God is "compassionate on all he has made." I couldn't tell if Flora was really paying attention to anything. I could hardly pay attention b/c the tv was on so loud. Such good therapy...a blaring television. Maybe I could have stayed with Flora a few extra minutes today. I'm not sure she would have noticed. She was really dazed. As I have done in the past, I told her that I would see her next week. Sometimes I can tell that she's searching for words and even trying to express them, but is just incapable. I couldn't really read her very well this week, and my lack of patience didn't help much either. I hate the fact that my sickness effected my time with Flora, but I am sure she hates the fact that her sickness does too. I should have let her sleep. There is a point in life (I'm sure) when your dreams are far better than your reality.