There is something strange about the days in which I feel depressed. They always seem like the most inopportune days to be down. Sometime, I'd just like to feel down on a day where it didn't matter if I didn't talk to a soul all day long. I just want time to nap, think, read, and be alone. That never happens. I always end up having to be in the middle of a crowd, meeting, store, event, whatever...and everyone's words just kind of echo around in my head as if it is a kind of dream.

Also, I've noticed that every day people are asking you how you are, and every day you are giving the same type of answers, "It's going well," or, "just fine, and you?" This happens so quickly that you never really stop to realize that your communication has really been a bunch of meaningless sounds and smiles and gestures that are just a way to acknowledge another human without committing to any real conversation or care. Not that you don't care, but politeness is more appropriate than just ignoring everyone. Everyone does it...no harm no foul. However, on the days that you are a little down and someone makes some polite small talk their words seem to come out in slow motion and before the normal phrases are past their lips, you've thought of at least 5 ways to lie yourself through the abnormally probing questions and comments. And your weak smile and nod of the head feel are just as fake as the single, painful to say words, "I'm doing good."

Sometimes I loose my appetite too. Blue cheese never tasted so weak, nor mac and cheese taste so bland. The coke is watered down too. I thought I was hungry, so I thought I should eat.

back to work.