ALEXANDER IS GAY

If you are wondering whether missing the movie "Alexander" when it came out in theaters was a mistake, then this review is for you. I hope to address any lingering questions you may have prior to viewing this film which is now out on DVD. I realize this isn't a very current film or DVD release, but my guess is that you didn't see the movie (like me) and are thinking about renting it or maybe even buying it.

Directed by Oliver Stone (director of a handful of movies that i've never seen including Platoon and Natural Born Killers) and starring Colin Farrell, Anthony Hopkins, Angelina Jolie, and Val Kilmer, Alexander has the potential to be a wonderful, star-studded retelling of Greek epic history. It follows the cues of most popular epic war films such as Braveheart (Mel Gibson). There are elaborate battle speeches, back-stabbing traitors, zealous kings, and the ongoing quest for personal glory. Mix in a bit of Greek mythology and history and you have an exciting combination for a film. The only problem is that it isn't all that exciting. In fact this movie is in my opinion one of the worst (of this type) that i've seen.

I've already said everything nice that i could about the movie (that it had potential). Okay not everything, but this is where I tell you why I think this movie is bad.

Homosexuality - I realize the title of this post seems like a derogatory statement, but it isn't meant to be. Quite literally, Alexander is gay. It is a very strong element throughout the movie. In fact his homosexuality is completely wrapped up in his rise to glory and his fall from it. My feeling was that they layed it on a little thick. During the entire first half of the movie in nearly every scene, you'll have a shot of Alexander looking tenderly at some boyish-looking young man. And since we know that all homosexual males are young, in their twenties, wear lots of eyeliner and look a bit femanine, we can be sure that this movie doesn't hold up too many sterotypes. Seriously though, it is a bit annoying as far as plot development...it's just too much. There are many times in the movie where dialogue and story are overshadowed by Alexander's apparent lust for young bucks. During my viewing i kept thinking, "okay i get it, he's gay. Let's get on with it already." However, like i said, his homosexuality plays a big part in his rise and fall from glory (mostly his fall). I think it was a bold move to go this route with the story, but I'm not schooled in Greek history. But to be fair, hollywood isn't really known to be schooled in any history.

Cast - Well, it's a mixed bunch here. With the exception of Anthony Hopkins, most of the mains are better known for their roles in high selling blockbusters, not academy award winners. It was refreshing to see Val Kilmer (King Philip). I can't remember the last time i saw him in a movie. I thought his performance was better than most here. Anthony Hopkins did quite well but his role was more as a narrator, so it didn't improve the overall qualilty that much. Angelina Jolie plays the part of Olympia, Alexander's mother/Philip's rejected wife. Her acting was alright(her looks better), but I'm not so sure she was the one for the job. I kept waiting for her to pull out a couple of guns and start shooting up the place. The problem is that supporting actors will never make a movie good if the lead is terrible. And that's what you have going on here. Colin Farrell did not belong in this role, or even in this movie. My guess is that he was chosen for his rising popularity and good looks, not his acting ability. He isn't very believable in this role. Once you get through the first battle scene, you'll wish he was (still) trapped inside a phone booth with a sniper's cross-hairs on his head. With this cast, it is easy to see that hollywood was going for big money and high profile appeal. Well, it backfired when they forgot to make the movie good.

Dialogue - This is simply awful. Although I thought the delivery was poor, it isn't all the actor's fault. The script just had stupid lines. The dialogue didn't help character development much (with the exception of Olympia). The problem is that you could tell the actors were acting. If actors do their job right, they are believable. You forget that they are pretending; they seem like they actually are that role. There were times where I thought Colin (who was by far the worst) was reading a teleprompter! And to make matters worse, they all had different accents. Colin sounded Scottish (or no accent at all), Jolie sounded Russian, and everyone else (who played a greek) had a pretty generic accent. It was super annoying and quite laughable. I honestly would've felt bad for Colin if I hadn't thought he was terrible before I watched this movie. The dialogue was rushed in some places. That made it seem like one of those kids movies where everyone finishes each others' sentences...i hate that.

Costume Design - Well, it's a good thing i watched this movie on Halloween night, because I had already seen a bunch of kids wearing cheap costumes. Seriously, the entire movie looked like it was shot on dress-up day. The costumes looked very cheap and inauthentic. Alexander's helmet was absolutely rediculous. I think i saw it at walmart a few years ago. Possibly the worst was the war elephants. If Peter Jackson did it right in LotR, then Stone did the exact opposite. It looked like Greeks were at war against the circus. Actually since i mention circus, the sets sucked too. Don't feel like you might be wowed by shots of ancient Macedonia or the Persian empire. Oh the Persian army...almost forgot. Every single one had a beard that looked like it came off a bad pirate costume pack. I think you may have even been able to see the straps on a few of them. I can't stress how corny and cheap everything looked.

Story - it's hard to go wrong with Greek mythology and Greek epic. The narration was good and appropriate. The story was actually pretty interesting. I enjoyed watching Alexander do everything he could to become the greatest and to do things that had never even been dreamed. You'll also enjoy watching the power struggle with Alex and his army officials as well as his deceptive mother. There's betrayal, honor, glory, love, distrust, and hate all mixed in the characters and thier specific developments. It is a good story and if you know next to nothing about this Greek history it may be more fun for you. Too bad the story is slightly ignorable b/c of poor acting and asthetics.

Overall - I would not recommend this to anyone. If you find homosexual content offensive, you will not like it. If you find bad acting offensive, you won't like it either. If you've seen any other popular war epic in the past 3 years, you will be disappointed. The movie has it's good moments, but aren't often enough. There is excessive sexuality and some nudity that I should warn you about. The violence at times is a bit over the top (Kill Bill anyone?). But mostly, the movie is just plain bad. Before the movie hit the theaters, Oliver Stone (the director) was quoted saying that he thought the movie would flop. How's that for confidence. Big shock with Colin Farrell as the lead. Don't see this movie. I wasted an evening of my life so you don't have to. If you are looking for a more enjoyable (and recent) war/epic, check out Kingdom of Heaven with Orlando Bloom (can he do any other kind of movie?).

I give this move 1 out of 5 TPACs (-1 pt. for the Russian accent)