Friendship Bread

On Friday of last week, I walked into my office and was surprised to find a bag of gunk placed in the middle of my desk. On top of the bag was a piece of paper entitled: Amish Friendship Bread.

I recently baked ONE thing and somebody got the impression that I enjoyed baking...therefore I was given a recipie and "starter bag" of Friendship Bread. This is no simple recipie. It takes a total of 10 days (yes, 10) to make and like the Song the Never Ends, you simply cannot stop making this stuff. If you do you will suffer a fate only truly known by the breakers of chain-mail and email forwards.

You start w/ a bag of batter and over 10 days you basically mash the bag and let out the air. You let out the air b/c at room temp. this batter "ferments" (rots) and must be relieved of excess air. On day 5 you add some simple ingredients and keep mashing. On day 10, you divide up the batter into 4 starter bags and use one to actually make the bread. The bread is quite good and the ultimate idea is to share the other starter bags w/ someone else and pass it all along. Of course only the Amish know how to originate a starter bag, so if you give it all away (or throw it all away) you are ending the cycle.

I'm going to try it out, but I highly recommend the Amish rename this recipie. It shouldn't be called friendship bread b/c it is a horrible friendship gift. If you want to be a real friend, just give me a loaf of the stuff and don't bother me with the rest. In fact, giving away this recipie is basically saying, "here, baby-sit this bag of crap for 10 days...friend." No no no, a real friend would never pass this along but would do his or her friends a favor by taking them out for ice cream or coffee.

They should call it Aquaintance Bread, or Revenge Bread. Yes, Revenge Bread...that sounds good. Didn't like the project you were assigned at work? Put some Revenge Bread in the boss's inbox. Didn't appreciate the snotty remark by the neighbor's kid? You've got 4 starter bags of Revenge Bread with their name on it. When you want to get someone back, why not just hand em a bag of batter and 10 days of work.

Oh well, I just hope I can go a few more days without messing the whole thing up. If you live close, see me next week for a piece of really good bread. If I'm out of bread, I may just give you a bag of batter. :)